


I hear glasses breakin' as I sit in my bed

by HarryThePrincess



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Louis, Disneyland, Fingerfucking, Frottage, Happy Ending, Harry is the editor of a magasine, Jealousy, Louis is 30 and Harry is 29, Louis is a drama teacher, M/M, Rimming, They Have Kids, Top Harry, a bit of smut, and you'll understand, but like just read, like riding, prolepsis, the other three are not really there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 16:13:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 37,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2198385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarryThePrincess/pseuds/HarryThePrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here, one of my many ideas, I'll wanted to write something where they really are divorced and try to get over it. So they'll be a lot of jealousy, humor and I'm not really the kind for angst so... I hope you'll enjoy!!
> 
> English is not my birth language so if there are any mistakes, tell me.
> 
> Russian translation here [x](http://ficbook.net/readfic/2708423)  
> by the lovely [redstreet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redstreet/pseuds/redstreet)

"... no, no. Don't worry, as soon as I'm done with the paper, I'll come back. No need to miss a day just for that... Yes, I'm sure. Thanks El, see you soon. I love you too, bye."

And I hung up. I sigh before getting back to sit at the table too large with my lawyer. In front of us was my husband's lawyer. Or, should I say, my future ex-husband. The old man looked at me with empathy when he was not looking at his watch. And, although today the divorce was going to be signed, Harry had not won better habits and was, as usual, late. His behavior annoyed me terribly and I had to repeat myself for years, but nothing has changed.

I don't understand how we got here. Yet at first it sound so simple...

I met Harry when I was 17, he was 16 while on vacation in France. You can call it love at first sight, because as soon as I saw him, I knew that one day he and I would be together. That day came much sooner than I expected because, just two days after we kissed for the first time. It was not a simple vacation fling, it was stronger than that, and we both knew it. So when the end of the holidays rang, him and I had to go home, we promised not to forget each other and to stay together until we were old enough to start a life together.

What we can say is that we waste no time. As soon as Harry was 18, we rushed to get married. It wasn't the beautiful ceremony with all the family I had imagined younger, but it was still beautiful. Not long afterwards, we settle down together and started our little life together. We worked both hard for it and to pay for my young husband's uni. We went through difficult times but nothing couldhave separate us, and it was undoubtedly the best years of my life.

I was playing a stupid game on my phone when I heard a familiar voice behind the door. I let out another sigh as Harry came into the room and apologized about the delay. He shook hands with the two lawyers before approaching me and taking me in his arms briefly. Although upset for his eternal lateness, I stayed calm. No need to make a scene as we will be soon divorced. We took all our seats around the table, the two lawyers taking out countless papers, clearly well prepared to end my marriage. I saw Harry messing with his watch, a bad habit he had taken through the years, showing his impatience. I bit my cheek not to remind him that he is the one who made us waiting like idiots for 20 minutes.

After that, I did not really pay attention to what was going on around the table. My lawyer knew what she was doing and we had talked about all the divorce clauses a billion times before. My attention wasn't required. So to pass the time, I was trying to remember when my marriage began to falter...

After uni, Harry had found a small job in a small fashion magazine. At the time, he was nothing more than an assistant, but he was motivated and he had talent. I've always believed in his potential. I was the one who reassured him, late at night, when he lost hope. As usual, I was right. In just a year, Harry had been promoted to the status of journalist and thanks to his many qualities and his enormous charm, he finished editor and all this at the age of 23! Then, through the years he had managed to get this little magazine of only 10 employees to a large fashion magazine recognized all around the world. I was so proud of him.

It's all thanks to his efforts that we were able to move into a beautiful house in California, we have been able to afford nice cars and trips abroad. Above all, it's thanks to him and his high-paying job, that we were able to get the biggest gift on earth. Children. We adopted Katherine when I had just turned 24. She was 10 and she had the bluest eyes I've never seen, she would have made jealous the Caribbean seas. It was a pleasure for us to welcome her home and although she was never able to call us dads, she is still our little girl.

A few years later, Harry, despite his love for Kathy, felt the need to pamper and harassed me long for us to have a baby. I finally agreed and it was one of the wisest decisions of my life. We had flown to Thailand to be able to find aptent adopting babies, small American orphans obviously too requested. We found our happiness in two little rays of sunshine, Shane and Kacey. Certainly it was written that we wanted a baby, but how to separate twins? Then we returned to America with our two little angels to form the beautiful American family.

Harry really made every efforts in the world to be able to support his family, working more and more, leaving me a little more each day. I tried to get used to the idea he was doing all this for us and that I couldn't get mad. But when I began to see that he and I stopped having privacy, I've done everything to light up the fire again. I organised coiple moments just for the two of us, placing the children at my mom, but each time, he cut short the evening to return to work. When I went to visit him at his work, he always made me wait for hours before deigning to come to see me. And even when I was doing great efforts to refloat our sex life, the man was too tired.

I think that it really start to explode on the day of our 10th anniversary. For this really important date, I made a great spread to make this evening perfect. 10 years is something, I wanted to do everything to make this event a way for us to talk and try to find ways to got back to what we were. I really saw that our marriage was really starting to fall and I didn't want to say goodbye to my husband, who, I thought, was the man of my life.  
So I had everything perfectly prepared for his arrival, since that night, he had me promised to get home soon. That he did. But unfortunately, he had his phone to his ear and seemed really surprised when seeing the candles and champagne on the table. He forgot our anniversary.

He apologized a billion times accusing I don't remember what article that took his head. Although wounded and angry, I did like nothing happened and began to "celebrate" our anniversary. It was during this evening in which he spent more time on his phone than talking to me that I started to really feel the ground under my feet escaping. And oddly, while my goal this evening was to save my marriage, I just drank all the champagne leaving consciously the raft take water.

"Louis?"

Finally I returned back to reality when I heard Harry uttered my name. I noticed that the two lawyers were looking at me too.

"Uh, yes?" I asked, trying to regain my composition.  
"I only ask you if you wanted to keep your current name or resume your old name?"

Not at all prepared for this question, I turned to Harry, out of habit, to know his opinion. He just shrugged his shoulders.

"It's your choice, it doesn't bother me that you keep my name."

I began to think quickly. It's been almost 12 years since my name was Louis Styles, I don't know if I could recognize me if I am called Tomlinson. But on the other hand, one might think, therefore, that Harry and I are still married. After further reflection, I said in a small voice:

"I'll take my old name."

While my lawyer explained to me how subsequently change my paper, I watched as Harry had pursed his lips for a quarter of a second. Having been married almost 12 years with this man, I know what that means, he's upset.

The following passed quickly, we sign dozens of papers on the front and back and I thought while signing, that soon I should resume my old signature. I wouldn't sign over the sweet name of 'Styles'. In all honesty, when it came time to make the latst signature, which would formalize the end of my marriage to Harry, I took a little longer, then I saw my ex-husband signed the sheet without hesitation. A knot in my stomach, I signed the sheet, missing slightly the letters. While I was feverishly giving back the sheets to my lawyer, I saw Harry shakig the hands of the lawyers again before coming to take me in his arms. This time I wasn't at all angry, but very sad and I didn't want to let go because it would surely be one of the last contact I'd share with Harry, so I want to make the most of it.

After this brief moment, Harry step away from me and after a few words of thanks to the lawyers, he left the room. Taking with him thirteen years of my life. I get back to my car with an empty chest and burning eyes. I don't know who is the morons who ever said that divorce will bring me serenity, but it was completely stupid.

  
I parked my little blue car on the student parking lot, not having access to the teachers parking lot, because apparently I'm not part of that team. Bastards. To be quite honest, except Eleanor who I have a good relationship with, the other teachers and I don't interact that much. I don't talk to them and they do the same. I'm not complaining, who seriously want to argue with people who wear ugly shirts, five days a week and drink disgusting coffee talking about the weather? Not me.

I headed directly to the high school's little theater, sunglasses on and a much lighter ring finger. Coming through the back door, I already hear a few discussions from my students and it made me smile slightly, maybe I would finally be able to forget that my marriage had been destroyed in the space of a few hours. I saw Eleanor away, nose in papers. Once I get to her level, I dropped my stuff on the floor and she looked up at me, looking sad. She felt empathy for me, but I don't want it, so with the more playful tone that I could take at the current time, I told her:

"Here I am finally single!"

The look of my friend didn't change much, but her face though did. She knew me long enough to know what attitude to take with me, so she put a player smile on her face and followed me into my good mood.

"Damn, I forgot to bring the champagne."  
"I'm disappointed Eleanor, you accustomed me to better. Anyway, this means that you will catch up to me, taking me out for a drink. See if I still have an incredible sense of seduction." I was joking. "Or at least made sure that I still know how to move without hurting my hip."

The brunette laughed at my remark. "You acknowlege that Harry is also single now?" She was playing with a pen, smiling. "Yes I know. So what?"

"You recall that before falling for your beautiful eyes, Harry was quite popular with girls. And at the time, he was still no muscular and rich." I turned to Eleanor, huge eyes like saucers, ready to smother myself with a cup of discusting coffee. "Why are you telling me this?" I said administering her a light tap on the arm. To which she replied simply, laughing, as much as I love Eleanor and humor, I hate her sometimes.

"No reason..." she replied, laughing, calling the students in the room to go onstage. My last thought before I finally concentrate on my work was, I'll never find somebody else.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

The separation between Harry and I was taken in different ways by children. Katherine, the oldest, took it like all teenagers. She didn't say much but she get away a bit from Harry and got a little closer to me. She is the only one who realized it was Harry who contracted the divorce contract. That doesn't make me too happy this distance, but I can't help it, my daughter ist 16 and she can begin to make her own decisions. And honestly, I'm a little happy that my daughter take my party.

As the two little ones, I think they haven't really understood the principle of divorce. It sometimes happens that they ask me where their father is and when he is coming back? It's always quite difficult to answer them because every time I have to destroy their world again. But all in all, they are happy, only because they don't understand. I'm afraid that when one of us, I put my bet on Harry, find someone, they'll react bad.

But I remain positive for now, because the situation is still manageable.

 

The first real incident took place about three weeks after signing the papers. Yet the evening was without any problems. Indeed, I had in my care the twins, Kathy spending the evening with a friend. As usual, I fed them, I washed them and let them watch TV just before going to bed. This is where the real problems began. Because Shane had decided that night that he wouldn't sleep without the presence of his other father. I tried everything to put him to bed, promising to read his favorite book, to sing him a lullaby, I even offered to put a DVD on while I'm not one of those parents who like for their children to fall asleep watching TV.

But nothing to do, my son decided he wouldn't sleep without Harry. After an hour of struggling with a 4 year old and when I noticed that his sister was starting to be really tired, I gave up the fight and decided to call Harry. Both say he was not at all pleased to receive my call, he had the gravelly voice and nerves on fire, but he came nonetheless.

When my son, this demon, saw his father coming, messy hair and clothes he had obviously just took out of the closet, he dried his tears and rushed to him. At the sight of the little brown head, my ex's face finally lit up with a smile, he took him in his arms and carried him to his room. At first I stayed with them all in the room but when I noticed the annoyed tone and black eyes that sent me the tired man, I left.

And it's completely stupid, but I had to hold back tears that threatened to fall because before all this, Harry would've never dismiss me out of the room of my own children. I really felt that the family was split in two and I don't like this at all. I decided to sit at the kitchen counter and even hesitate one minute to pull out a bottle of wine. I didn't do it because I still have to take care of my children.

 

After half an hour in the silence, I saw Harry coming back to the kitchen, tired eyes and in a black mood. He took his car keys and his jacket before heading to the door without a word. And even if the tension was heavy, I forced myself to escort him there. After all, he has still came to help me.

I opened the door for the tall man to leave, but apparently he was not finished. I turned my gaze shyly to him to realize that he gave me a reproachful look. I hung my head like a child who was being scolded by his mother.

"Listen Louis, he says with a sigh, I know this, divorce and everything that follows, it has been hard for you."

What he says is true, but the hardest thing is to realize that for him it was simple.

"But I won't always be there to help you when you have problems. Before it was different, but now you can't call me whenever you have a problem."  
"It was different here, Harry." I said in a firm tone. "It's not for me, it was for Shane, you know what state he goes in when he wants something and he prevented his sister..."  
"I don't care!"

He raised his voice and I had no intention of falling into this frenzy of fights where it ended with a door slammed shut and me crying. He must have noticed that my face has fell as he ran his big hands on his face and replied calmly.

"Last week, he did exactly the same thing, he wouldn't want to lie down, he wanted you. But I didn't give up. You have to learn to say no sometimes, even if it's difficult. "

I nodded my head towards the ground. Because even if what he says is hard, it's reality, I must learn to get along without him.

"Yes, I realize that. Sorry, Harry. Next time I..."

While raising my face to him, I saw some things in the crook of his neck. For once, its tall size disservice him.

"Is that a hickey that I see on your neck?"

The dark haired guy's eyes widened and he put his hand automatically on the stain, confirming my accusations. I felt anger and jealousy in me. I cannot believe it, three weeks and he is already sleeping around while I'm ashamed to go on porn sites!

"I'm dreaming." I said clearly upset. "I know we're divorced but replacing me not even a month, you waisted no time."  
"Louis, it has nothing to do with this, I just try to have a little fun, we have been together 12 years, I just want..."  
"To fuck other people, don't worry, I get it!"

He opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind at the last second.

"You know what, I don't even know why I bother with this discussion, I can do as I please."  
"Oh but this, I don't stop you for anything. Just want to be sure that you do pay attention to what the kids might think?"  
"You sure you always talking about the kids here?"  
"Yes I am!" I say so loudly that for a moment, I worried about having waking up the twins. "Believe it or not but I'm not interested in your sex life, you can sleep with all people of California that I wouldn't care. But the children, they have no need to know this, we just broke their image of the family if in addition one of their father starts fucking everything that moves, you can imagine the trauma. So be discreet."

He had his angry expression he tries to contain and even if I wanted only one thing, put me up in a ball and cry, I kept his gaze. This thing lasted a minute before he left. I closed the door quickly behind me, finally alone.

I got into the twins' room, assuring myself that they were still sleeping and they didn't have to hear this conversation. Fortunately both were fast asleep. I closed the door and went back to the kitchen where finally, I could collapse. I try to be strong at all times for the children, not to lose it, but sometimes it's hard. And tonight, as I just learned that my ex-husband has a sex life again, all my hopes fell.

Because I really thought that this story of divorce would not go through, that Harry didn't really want to leave me but just have a little break. Even after the signing of the papers of divorce, I expected more. But now I have to face the facts. He really left me. He don't want me anymore. It's over.

Maybe it's time for me to do the same, and move on.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

I always paid attention to my appearance. When I was little, while the others were playing in the sandbox and stained their clothes, I remained quiet, not wanting to damage my clothes. During my teen years, I did everything for puberty to affect me the less, stay as clean as possible. When I dated Harry, I paid attention to my appearance all the time, using everything to seduce him every day. But when the children got in the picture, it was a little harder, with Harry who worked all the time. I didn't have time to take care of myself, or what I ate or how I dressed. I'm not saying I was completely neglected, but as the years went by, the less I was taking care of myself and I was paying more attention to my children and my husband.

So here, now thirty years-old, I am no longer what I was, I'm not as tanned as before, I'm much less muscular than before and I took some small gains that make that I have a little belly now, somewhat fuller thighs and a more rounde butt. Of course, this has never bothered Harry, the opposite, he always said he loved my curves, it turned him on. But now I'm single again and if I don't want to end up alone with fifty cats and a round belly, I have to move. Anyway, I need to change my life. I must renew myself because I'm sick of everything around me. I need to renew myself, I want to be attractive again, to turn people's heads just like before.

So I decided, with the invaluable assistance of Eleanor, to change my life! First, it was the clothes. The little brown tornado emptied within a few seconds half my wardrobe, stating what is still and what is not fashionable anymore. Then she dragged me into a clothing store that I wouldn't wear if I was in the same spirit as before, but I want to change, so I let her choose, slim jeans, t -shirts, shoes, hoodies, sweaters, etc... After long and exhausting hours of fitting, I was with a whole new wardrobe and a far more empty wallet.

The next day, she went directly for my hair which is very long and not at all stylish, I must say that I was abandoned by my hairdresser ever since Shane broke a bottle of shampoo of $90 on the hair salon floor. But after two years of abandonment, my hair finally will find the care they deserve. My friend took me to a little trendy salon where the average age is 25 years, let's say that I feel quite at ease. I forgot my shyness quickly when a girl with half shaved skull came to take care of me, under strict orders from Eleanor. After several hours of shampoos, snip, to my surprise a haircolor, brush strokes and after a quick drying, here I am! I now had a lot less hair, especially on the sides and more volume on top, my hair was now a slightly lighter shade and went in all directions. I loved it, it was younger, Eleanor has great taste, but that is nothing new.

After this, I felt like someone new and I was anxious to see the reaction of the children when they would return home from their father's. But my new life was not yet accomplished, to become again the person I was, I signed up to a sports center where I intend to go and I hired a painter to paint the apartment. I never really liked the colors of it, I found them too sad, so I was going to have for the first time in my life a colorful flat.

 

The problem when hiring someone over the phone, is that you have no idea how they will look until they knocks on your door. And as for me, I was very surprised when I opened my door on Monday morning around eight. As the man on the other side of the door could very well be a model. He was two heads taller than me, the skin slightly tan, a mess of brown hair, slight stubble. I'd say the man is between 30 and 35, Spanish or maybe Portuguese. Through his t-shirt, I could see the hairs on his chest and bulging muscles of his arms and stomach. I have dirty desires here.  
I would have no hesitation in saying that the man was 100% straight if I hadn't noticed the way he looked at me from head to toe as if he was going to devour me. I felt flattered but also very uncomfortable.

I quickly lowered my head and let him came in, it's not going to be easy.

 

 

A week later, I came home exhausted from the gym, promising to go at least three times a week. The door barely open, my nose was harassed by the strong smell of paint. With the help of Andres, my painter, we find the best combination of colors for each room according to the atmosphere I wanted to give to it. But although he was very friendly and very efficient, one thing bothered me from this beautiful Spanish man, is that he is constantly chatting me up. From the morning eight o'clock until he goes away, he keeps paying me compliments, checking me out without embarrassment and making sexual innuendo to me.

So in theory it shouldn't bother me, and yet so it is. Because even if I decided to move on, it's much easier said than done. I'm an eternal romantic and when I said "I do" 12 years ago, I thought it was for life. So yes, in my head, I still feel married to Harry and I can't cheat on him even if we're not married anymore.  
I didn't let the advances of the painter reach me, though honestly he is beautiful and I wouldn't care at all if he took me against the wall not yet dry. But as I said, I would feel too guilty so I repress my desires and kill myself more in gym. It can do me only good.

After a well deserved shower, I returned to the kitchen with the excuse of reading the newspaper when in reality, I was just admiring the ass or chest permanently bared of Andres. I saw very well that he swelled his abs just to impress me (no need to put as much force to paint a wall), and how to say? It works. I'm on the verge of drooling over the black pages. As he bent down to be able to put some paint on his roll (could this be a bad reference?) offering me a flawless show on his ass, I tried to remember the last time I had an orgasm.

The fact that I can't remember it comforted me with the idea of having sex with him. I walked slowly towards him, decided to surprise him when the phone stopped me. With a sigh, I pick up the phone.

"Hello?"  
"Mr Styles?"  
"Yes this is... Uh no, it's Tomlinson now." I say with a heavy heart, I would have a hard time getting used to it.  
"Ah. Excuse me, I call you by contribution to Katherine."  
"What's going on? She's okay?"  
"Yes, she's fine. But I need to see you urgently."

 

Ten minutes later I found myself in front of the office of my daughter's headmaster. I knocked and didn't wait for an answer to come in. I was a little taken aback when I saw Harry sat on one of the chairs in front of the desk. But I didn't let his presence disturb me, we ended up in this situation before, why it would be different now?

"Mr Tomlinson, please, take a seat." Quickly, I sat on the chair next to my ex-husband and I noticed his eyes lingering a few seconds on me, on my new clothes. I greeted him quietly before turning my attention to the man in front of us.

"What's going on?" I asked slightly worried. Indeed, the children were at Harry's these days, so I had no idea why I'm here. As usual, I was going to catch Harry's hand as before it would have been on my thigh to finally catch some air. To keep my hands busy, I played with the sleeves of my jacket. I felt a bit stupid because Harry stood very straight and doesn't seem to worry more very much while I act like the kid who just got caught.

"I wanted to talk to you because this last few days, Katherine's behavior is a bit... unusual. She doesn't do her homeworks, she is insolent and she even skipped school." Automatically, I turned my gaze to Harry who was frowning and seemed a little upset. "I talked to her and she told me that her parents were just divorced. I know it must be very difficult for her, but I can't do nothing and let it go like it's nothing." I thought that Kathy was way too calm about it all, but I didn't think it would go that far. She is a very good student, just like Harry.

"Don't be too hard on her, teenagers react differently to the divorce of their parents. Knowing you both, I know you will take the necessary measures." he finished with a courteous smile. "Don't worry M. Watkins, we'll talk to her, put things in order." Harry said in his deep and steady voice.

After some small talk, the man let us go. Harry and I made our way to the parking lot together, he assured me that he would speak with Kathy once home, and he would keep me informed. At my car, he stopped a few seconds to talk to me a bit and I was surprised when he complimented my new look. I didn't show but this little compliment made me smile more than anything since the day he told me that he had contacted a lawyer. Finally, he walked to his own car and I wanted to take him in my arms, but of course I did nothing.

I was going to start the engine when something came to my mind: I had a question about shared custody. I went quickly to his car, hoping that Harry hadn't left yet. Fortunately for me, he was still there. Well yes, how could he start his car when he his tongue was at the back of the throat of a young blonde woman and his hands torturing her breasts like a fucking teenager? Very disappointed and disgusted, I went back into my car and left the parking lot.

 

Back home, I immediately go into the kitchen, not answering Andres. I quickly took out a glass and a bottle of wine, served a drink and gave my painter the glass before drinking straight from the bottle. The Spaniard looked at me strangely but finally took a sip.

"It was that bad?" he asked softly. I didn't dare look at him, nor open my mouth, because I was afraid to get upset and yell at him when he has done nothing. On the opposite, he's just lovely to me and he makes me feel desirable. So I decided not to listen to my brain and let my desires lead me.

"You still want to fuck me?" The Spaniard opened his eyes wide, obviously surprised by my outspokenness but finally he nodded. I didn't take time to think about the consequences or even think if this man could be married or not. I jumped right over him, taking possession of his mouth without any finesse. After laying the bottle on the nearest surface and breaking the glass, I let this man take me as I had imagined. Against the wall with the paint still wet.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Niall is briefly mentioned in this chapter.

Sleeping with my painter was a mistake. A huge mistake. So I made the decision to fire him. I felt very ashamed in doing so, so ashamed that I called his company rather than telling him directly. I'm a horrible human being. To replace him, this time I hired the person directly in person to be sure of my choice.  
Instead of the beautiful Spanish guy, I now have the young Irish, blond and very friendly lad. And above all, very straight and equally engaged. To be sure to not do something stupid this time.

The only problem is that after having an orgasm after months without, I am now on edge. Like a smoker who gets a cigarette after years spend without one. To fight my impulses, the gym helps me a bit. As promised, I go three to four times a week. And that it's difficult. I had no time to practice sport other than swimming since the twins, my heart is no longer fonctionnal.

So I was on the treadmill, torturing my body and my lungs when I heard a chuckle behind me. I turned, almost falling in my race to see that person. I nearly fell again, but this time for a different reason. The boy behind me was just maddening beautyiful. In his twenties, slightly tanned skin, brown, very clear blue eyes almost turning grey, a pronounced jawline and a smile... He's just beautiful, I don't know if that's enough to describe his beauty but I don't know what else to say. And his body is delicate ! Its waist is there, sharp hips, nice legs. He is rather skinny, but I am certain he is muscular and big just where you need it, if you know what I mean.

To not actually fall, I stop the treadmill and completely turned around toward this stranger. He wasn't much taller than me, only a few inches and it felt weird after years of having to stand on my tiptoes.

"Sorry to tell you this mate, but you don't seem to be a regular at gyms." he said in his calm and smooth voice. It wasn't as high as mine, but far away from the strong and deep voice of Harry. And maybe I like to hear him speak. "And I don't say that because I was looking at you for the last half an hour." And then, as I opened my mouth wide and was ready to answer him, he laughed at my reaction.

"If you want, I can help you. I am a regular here, I know all the equipment." I watched with my mouth pursed, a big smile ready to appear in the second, so I used the only defense technique I know: the sass. "A regular? I never would've guessed, you're pretty skinny." At this point, he and I shared a huge smile.

"I'm Daniel, if you wondered." he said, holding out his suprisingly small hand. "Louis." After shaking my hand, he kept it in his longer than necessary. "So, can I help you?" I took my bottle and my bag before heading randomly in the room, just to see what would be the reaction of the brown guy. To my surprise he followed me, which pleased me. "Okay, let's do this."

 

This was the workout where I made the least effort. As Daniel told me he knew what he was doing, but we spent a lot more time talking, flirting and touching each other for no valid reasons, rather than training. When it was time for me to go, having to pick up the kids, I let the handsome boy with a few regrets. But he won't let me go so easily.

"Louis, would it be possible to see you again? Like for a drink or...?"  
"You mean like a date?" He nodded with a big smile and I didn't know what to say because although I enjoyed myself this last half hour and as mush as that boy is nice and charming, he's... very young. I didn't asked him his age but he must not be more than twenty-five. "Honnestly, I'm not sure it's a good idea." I finally said. "Why not?" He looked disappointed and it hurt my heart. "We barely knows each other Daniel."

"It will be a good opportunity to get to know each other then." I shrugged my shoulders, pulling a funny face. "Okay I understand, can I at least give you my phone number?" He was confident, which is why I accepted and enter his number in my phone. I'm not sure to follow up on this, but he really made me feel good and it was a moment since I experienced that feeling.

 

Whenever I need to see Harry, I prepare myself a little before to not yell at him, to not let myself be led by my resentment towards him. But this time, I had prepared myself for the wrong person. Because when the door opened, instead of square shoulders and unruly curls, I saw a woman about my age, elegant and with red hair. I had to watch her in amazement for a while because she asked me annoyed who I was and what I wanted. "I'm Louis, the ex-husband and I'm here for my children. And you are who?" I let myself get upset again just because the way she was talking to me, that bitch. "I am Harry's girlfriend." she said with too much pride for a false redhead.

I don't know if she knew that by telling me this she would punch me in the stomach, but that's what happened. I knew that once single again, Harry would take the opportunity to flirt and sleep around because that's what he likes to do, but I never thought he would be in an engaged relationship this soon. I didn't realize when he left me, it wasn't only because he was tired of being attached to someone, he was just sick of me.  
With a voice that I hoped was composed and sure, I asked the woman to call Harry. She did so, not without a sigh. A few seconds later, Harry was obviously embarrassed in front of me.

"Louis, I'm sorry that she opened the door, I..."  
"I don't care Harry, I just came to pick up the kids." He looked at me a few seconds, looking shocked before calling the children. As I had two minutes before they were all ready, I took the opportunity to say what I had to say. "I understand Harry. I understand that after spending so many years with me you wanna have fun, but now I would like to know when your conquests or your girlfriends settled home. That means in contact with my children."

He looked angry, I know he doesn't like it when I talk to him like a kid but that's how he acts right now: a kid. We then waited in silence until the children join me. I walked away without even a goodbye.

 

I wanted to please my children, and even spoiled them if that's what it took to be sure they are not unhappy, so tonight I decided to take them to eat in a home cooking pizzeria. As usual the twins were screaming and playing with their food while Kathy was on her phone and I was trying to handle it. A little while later in the evening, when calm was back, I took the opportunity to ask some questions about this woman. Just to be sure she is friendly with my children, nothing else...

As usual, the twins were the first to respond. "Her name is Suzanne and she works with papa." said Kalcey while coloring quietly on the mat. "And she sleeps very often with papa, like you did." Shane said without realizing the impact it would have on my morale. Kathy, she understood what I was going through and helped me a lot. "They have been dating for only a week and already she spends all her time with Harry. I'm not even sure she realizes that he simply uses her."  
"Use her why?" I asked. "I don't know, to pass the time or to forget you." she said, looking me straight in the eye. This news made me both happy and sad. But I'm not sure she completely understand Harry, because clearly he seems happy without me. "Anyway, one thing is sure, I already hate her." she said nose on her phone. This comment made me smile, at least one person understands me.

 

Difficult questions often come in the evening at bedtime. I just tuck the twins and light the night-lights when my daughter asked me a simple but devastating question. "When is papa and you sleeping in the same bed again?" She looked at me with big bright eyes and I was afraid she starts crying, so I fixed a smile on my face to calm her down and told her softly. "Honey, I need you to understand that papa and I aren't together anymore. We are no longer in love," I said to facilitate her understanding. "So we won't sleep together anymore." A tear escaped and that is what I feared from the beginning. I knew when they would understand, they would be devastated. Fortunately, for now, Shane didn't seem to understand but that's normal, it must be because it's a boy, but her sister, she always understand faster.

"Hey baby, don't cry, if we divorced, it was because we weren't happy together anymore, so we preferred to do that. Soon your father and I, we will find new lover and will be happy again. And we'll sleep with our new lovers. You understand? "I asked, running my hand through her brown hair to calm her down.

"Papa's new lover is Suzanne?" I almost rolled my eyes. "For example, yes." She nodded as if she understood everything, she raised her face to me, with a small smile. "And you, my daddy? You have a new lover?" She was so adorable, I couldn't help but give her a kiss on the forehead. Automatically and without thinking, my mind went to Daniel and his number in my phone. I was not really thinking either when I answered. "Maybe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I don't upload a lot but I can only write on weekend and suprisingly, the weekend go fast.

I returned to the gym as rigorously for two long weeks and never saw Daniel again and I started to have some questions. I wondered if he was really interested in me or if it was only a fleeting desire or even if he had given me his real number. Of course, I didn't try to contact him either, if that's his real number, I would have look a little bit stupid.   
In fact, I don't even know why I am asking all these questions because from the beginning, there was no way that I'll go out with him, he must be at least 5 years younger than me. And I'm not ready to go out yet.  
  
So I was doing squats and then my butt was in a position that I don't necessarily practice in public, when I heard someone clearing their throats behind me. I turned quickly to see the boy, whose beauty still is maddening, looking at me with a big smile. I stand up immediately in a less compromising position, cheeks red.   
  
"Louis." he said with no real purpose, I watched him with a stupid smile on his face, not knowing what to say. "Have you forgotten that my number was in your phone, or don't you care at all?" I was not sure if he was joking or not, so I didn't know how to answer. "Daniel..."   
  
"No, don't worry, I won't blame you. Instead, I'll try more. Louis, I solemnly ask you to please accept to go out with me?" He had a silly smile on his face, almost too big for his face, and I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm. It's been a long time since someone try that hard to get something from me. "Daniel, I really appreciate the effort, but I'm not sure..." His smile was lost somewhat, his confidence failing him. "...I'm afraid that." In reflection, I had no real arguments, I didn't either want to say no.   
  
"You know what? Let's go out. It can only do me good." The smile that moved on the face of the young man, put me at ease with my decision.   


 

   
Under the watchful eyes of my oldest daughter and my best friend, Eleanor, who very kindly agreed to take care of my kids for an evening, I was dressing up. I wasn't serene, because the last time I actually dressed myself for such an evening, it was for the famous wedding anniversary which went wrong. But let's not talk about that!   
  
The worst thing about this date is that it really is with a person I don't know, who doesn't know me. I no longer have, or rather, never had this kind of thing with that hint of flirting and thirst to know every little thing about the other person. I'm not even sure I'm really going to interest him, until now, when we talked together, we talked about subjects of no real substance but, I'm going to talk about me tonight. Tell him about my age, my recent divorce and the three children waiting for me at home, at least if he doesn't call back, I will know why.   
  
Once my hair tamed, I turned to the two girls who looked at me with big eyes, in less time than it takes to blink, they were already on me, putting some details in place before pulling back and admire their quick work. With a few last minute tips from my friend, I left the flat, stressed and excited.   
  
The restaurant Daniel had chosen was an Italian, simple and effective. As I had guessed even before he arrived, the man was really elegant and looked older this dressed. But all too soon, I learned his real age and almost fell off my chair. He is 21 years old! Barely legal drinking age. I can't tell you what face I had when I was told, but it msut have been very funny. Then, once that information gained, my goal for the evening was to verify that he would be ready to have a relationship with me, giving him all incriminating information.   
  
He seemed surprised when I told him I was 30, because apparently I didn't do them at all. He seemed very excited when he learned that I was a drama teacher, impressed when I told him that I had been married for 11 years and not at all shocked when I said I had three children. Since he did not show any fears or rejection, I couldn't help telling him that if he wanted to leave, he still had time. Once again, his reaction wasn't what I expected.   
  
"Louis," he said, grabbing my hand, "I have no intention to flee, first because I like you a lot, you're funny, smart, you don't seem to be crazy and you're really really hot. And the fact that you're recently divorced don't bother me at all, much less the fact that you have children. I love children, and generally speaking, the kids love me as well." He looked really confident, not at all hurt by the whole situation but I couldn't help but warn him one last time.   
  
"Okay, but know that if we start a relationship, it will be discreet and not necessarily long because if my kids don't like you, I won't keep seeing you." I said, looking him straight in the eye. He always had a smile and nod slowly. "It's a challenge I accept." I laughed quietly and kept on the evening. He accepted all my imposiions, now remains to be seen if he will comply with all.   
  


 

   
Belly full and warmest heart, we left the restaurant. As we walked to the parking lot, located a little further, Daniel made a proposal. "Let's go dance?" I turned to him, eyes wide open, waiting for him to start laughing. But he never did, he's serious. Damn he is young! With a grin, I refused his proposal, I can't longer go clubbing, what would I do there? It is true that the idea of me bing shoved around by drunk people while exploding my eardrums on dance music seemed quite charming but I prefer to go home and collapse on my bed.   
  
"You know you can still go to club even after 25 years, don't you?" I turned towards him, to see him with his big mocking grin, I tapped him lightly on the arm for revenge. "I know, it's just that it's not really my thing... it never was." Arriving near my car, I turned to the brown guy, to be sure he was still there. I saw him took out his phone from his pocket and his headphones, I watched him blankly. When he put a headset in his ear, I was really wondering what he was doing, so I asked.   
  
"I want to dance with you, even if it's in a dark parking lot." He offered me the other one, I placed it carefully in my ear, so I found myself closer to him. Soon soft music that I didn't know came in my ear. The man took me by the waist, so I placed my arms hesitantly around his neck. We allow ourselves to be led by the music and we danced slowly, glued to each other. That's much better than any night club in the world.   


 

   
After dancing for about twenty music, I returned to my car, and lit the engine. I lowered my window to be able to discuss a few more minutes before going home and end this date that went very well. "Thank you for this evening Daniel, had a great time, better than I expected." He smiled at me intimately and came to remove a strand of hair that lay on my face and although it is so fucking cliché, I thought it was lovely. "So we agreed for  second date?" I nodded my head with a small smile, before I let a light kiss on his cheek and buckle my belt up.   
  
"On the cheek? I'm disappointed." he said with an exaggerated pout. "Oh my poor darling, tell yourself that it leaves more for next time, I'm not that easy." I sent him a wink, to which he laughed and walked away from my car, leaving me out of the parking lot, smiling wide and heart light.   
  
When I got home, I went into my living room and sat next to Eleanor who was watching a stupid talk show. "So?" she asked without lifting her eyes from the TV. "Awesome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry I took so much time for this chapter, I don't mean to but school is taking much of my time and then I have a family, so sorry, I'll try to do better. Hope you enjoy this chapter anyway :)

After having taken the children to their father, I was dressing calmly for my second date with Daniel. Well, I lie a little when I say calmly, I feel very stressed. The first date went very well and I'm afraid the second doesn't go as well. After all, he knows all about my family situation, yet that did not scared him away. But after a time to think again, maybe he changed his mind.  
And it would make me feel like crap because even though I don't know him very well, I like him. He's nice and cute and he's interesseted in me and it's been a while since I have felt this desired.  
  
So you understand why I put my tightest jeans on to show my ass who are firm again (thank you gym) and a white t-shirt falling just below my collarbone, showing my tattoo. I put over a simple black jacket as I was looking in the mirror. Considering my outfit simple but sexy, I went into the living room, having some time to relax before having to call a cab.  
  
As I sat on the couch, I noticed my daughter's cuddly toy hid behind one of the big cushion. I groaned, cursing my daughter for forgetting it and wishing good luck to Harry, because without this stuffed bunny, my daughter could not shut her eyes. I hesitated a few minutes looking at the clock in the kitchen before calling a cab.

  
  


I was hoping, this time, knocking on the door to not fall on yet another girlfriend of my ex-husband. Fortunately, it was Harry who opened the door, casually dressed and slightly wet, which meant that he was probably bathing the twins. He frowned when he saw me, probably, because we parted less than half an hour ago.  
  
I shook her stuffed bunny before his eyes and saw them lit up. He let out a big sigh, grabbing the little blue bunny, knowing also that a night without it would have entailed.  
  
"She had left it on the couch, I thought I would it bring back before she noticed."  
  
He thanked me before looking at my outfit. Even before he opens his mouth, I knew what would come out. So I took the lead.  
  
"I'm going out tonight," I said, throwing my words. "Oh?" he replied simply, crossing his muscular and still wet arms, wetting slightly his shirt, against his chest. "With Eleanor or something like that? An evening with friends?"  
  
I knew what this tone and this position meant, he was jealous. So many times before, I had heard that tone. One thing that Harry has always been, even in times of crisis, is jealous. I had to be very careful with the other men because if ever there was a small smile between us, although it was obviously just friendly, Harry would make a mountain out of it. But now, the good thing is, that he and I are divorced, so I do what I please.  
  
Not surprisingly, I told him without any remorse, "No, I have a date." I really thought that the brown guy would have an attack because for several seconds, there was no reaction, not a blink. I stood there, facing him, slightly embarrassed and rushed as behind me, I felt the reproachful look from my cab driver. When I went to leave, Harry finally woke up. "Oh can I know who? Do I know him? Did he already met the kids?"  
  
I had neither the desire nor the time to deal with all these questions. I just came to bring my daughter's bunny, and there I am entitled to an interrogation. "Harry ..., I say in exasperation, blowing heavily, "I- no you don't know him, the kids either and I'm not going to introduce him for now."  
  
"For now? Does that mean you have the intention to do it?" he said, also increasingly annoyed. Who does he think he is honestly? My mother? I was trying to find an answer that would calm his fears, when I remembered the thing he did to me a few weeks ago and the pain I had felt. Why I'll try to spare his feelings when he doesn't give a fuck? "Yes, maybe, if we get on well and if our relationship evolves, I maybe will introduce him to the children."  
  
After further long minutes in silence, Harry just looked me up and down, he said, lips pinched, "I hope for you that everything will be fine, that you'll be happy, you deserve it." I might have thought he was genuine if I had not been married to him for so long, he doesn't want it to go well, he wanted for my cab to get lost and to never make it to this date. So after quick goodbyes, I went to my cab, not missing the exasperated look my driver gave me. But he can go fuck himself, Harry too, they can all go to hell

  
Japanese food is not really my thing, but for today I'll make a small exception, because in front of me is a nice boy who listened to one of my childhood stories like I was telling him the biggest state secret. And it surprises me every time, but I feel that with each new meetings, he becomes more and more beautiful. It's probably stupid to say, but many times I lost the course of our conversation because I admired every feature of his face, feeling like I never watched him enough. And if from time to time, I didn't answer one of his questions, it's certainly not because I was too busy watching the blue of his eyes. Nope, not at all!  
  
The evening passed quickly, too quickly for my liking. Just as we had time to talk about our high school years, the bill had been put on the table and it was time to leave. Although I had not accepted the last time, I hoped in my heart that this time too, he would propose another activity so that the evening didn't end up directly. And Daniel met my expectations. Probably reading minds, he offered me, cheeks flushed and embarrassed to go to his apartment for a drink.  
  
It was not very nice to tease, but I can't help myself. The smile on my face, I said: "If it is a technique to put me in your bed, my dear sir, it will not work." He gently laughed at my stupidity, even more embarrassed than before. "It wasn't my intention, but if it works, it's just a bonus." I knocked him gently on the chest, to which he laughed and grabbed my hand in his, which took off immediately the smile off my face. It was the first time we held hands, the boy calmed in turn, seeing my expression. He seemed stressed but didn't let go of my hand, on the contrary, he tightened a little more his' and our fingers intertwined. Then he calmly pulled me to his little black car.  
  
The ride to his apartment was in silence. The atmosphere was pretty relaxed despite the latest events and the fear I felt, because basically I've never done that. This whole process of dates, the last drink at his place, I had no idea what was going to happen once at his and it made me a little scared. And this is very stupid, because I'm a 30 yeards-old grown man with three children who shouldn't be afraid to go to the apartment of a 21 years-old young man. In fact, said like that, it's even more scary.  
  
The car finally stopped and I was surprised by the building in front of me. I knew Daniel was not too bad with money as he works in a restaurant with a few stars and therefore, must receive more generous tips, provided by his model-like body. But I never thought he could afford an apartment in a new building especially so in California. For young people, it is a real nightmare to stay in the state. Lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize that the young man was out of the car to open my door. Blushing, I accept the outstretched hand of the boy  and out of the car in the cool air of the evening.  
  
Soon, we reach the building before taking the elevator to reach the door of his flat, and all this in silence. I was afraid that this atmosphere remains, it would be stupid, the evening was so beautiful. Once inside, I was assailed by a good smell of vanilla and comfortable warmth. Daniel got rid of my jacket before he went to god knows where, so I took time to admire his small home. Small, yes, but very comfortable and warm. To my left, a small living room with a coffee table and a rather large TV, and a rug that looks thick enough to take a nap on it. To my left, a kitchen that seems full of stories. Then, before me, a hallway with two doors, surely the bathroom and bedroom. From this one, Daniel came out, got rid of his shirt for a t-shirt, simpler but more practical.  
  
He asked me to go sit on the couch, which I did with no more questions, I heard Daniel move into the kitchen and I could hear a "bang" followed by a resonant fast "fuck" that made me smile. Two seconds later, the handsome man joined me, two glass in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. He sat down beside me, pouring red liquid into each glass before giving me one. We cling our glass before taking a sip. It was not the best wine I had the chance to taste but I was also certain that at his age, I didn't have the chance to buy some bottles of wine. I noticed that the brunette was in socks, so I took the opportunity to remove my shoes and bend my legs against my chest, turning instinctively to Daniel. The man looked at me with a smile and I could not help but smile in return, trying to hide behind my glass.  
  
"You have a very nice flat," I finally said, wanting to stop this eye game. The boy looked around, as if that wasn't his own apartment. "Yes, I can't really complain."  
  
"You're kidding, you know how many people of your age would be willing to kill for a flat like this?" He smiled at my remark and I couldn't help but notice that his eyes turned regularly to my whine stained mouth, I instinctively licked my lips and saw the brunette swallowed hard. I cleared my throat. "So, your job pays pretty well?" Stupid question, but I have to change the subject. "Huh? He asked, his eyes back to mine "Oh! Yes. But to be honest, I'm rather jealous of you." I took a sip of wine. "Of me? Why?"  
  
"I always wanted to be a math teacher." he said, playing with his glass. "Why don't you do it? I mean, you're still young, you have plenty of time." Always playing with his glass, he bit his lip, which did not help my case. "Yes, I know, but I really don't have time or money. My job pays well, but I don't have the money to study and I can't afford to quit this job." Saddened, I put without even thinking my hand on his thigh, leaning toward him. "If you ever come to change your mind, I would be 100% with you."  
  
Daniel nod his head slowly, moving hs eyes quickly between my face, my mouth and my hand on his thigh. And there, I felt that the atmosphere was a bit hotter, and he felt that, too. So I went to put my red lips against his, first slowly, then more urgent. His tongue entered my mouth and that was the signal for me to climb on his thighs. We had completely forgotten our glasses of wine so I spilled a few drops of the drink on the white t-shirt. "Shit, shit, I said, grabbing the two glasses and putting them on the coffee table behind us, I'm sorry! I swear I'll get it cleaned."  
  
Daniel just laughed, he didn't realize that I surrely had totally ruin his top. "You have to put salt on it" I said without really knowing, everyone says to do that but I don't know if it really works. "Louis, calm down, it's nothing," he said, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and removing it, shutting me up. I was right when saying he had to probably be muscular, this is the case. "Wow" I breathed without really realizing it, Daniel giggle a bit. I stopped that laugh with my lips, kissing the young man aggressively and when he moaned against my lips, a frightful thing came to my mind.  
  
Harry don't moan like this.  
  
And I don't know why I thought that, but now, nothing can pass through my mind. This torso against me is not as muscular or tattooed as Harry's, those lips are not as full, this hair is too smooth and not long enough, these hands are too small. But I don't want to think that, I wanted to empty my head, so I took off my shirt and throw it somewhere in the living room. With a little smirk, Daniel put his thin hands on my chest and abs that was beginning to show up. "I thought I wouldn't be able to put you in my bed" Head in his neck, I took the opportunity to gently bite his skin, for revenge, I went up to his ear. "First, we're not in your bed" I licked his ear lobe, which deserved a little moan and him pushing his hips up, "secondly, I'm old enough to be able to fuck when I want and thirdly, I'm so turned on."  
  
I didn't waste much time to get rid of our pants and underwears, without forgetting to take the small bright packages out my wallet. The fingering was just as fast, I went from one to three fingers in a few minutes before putting the condom on Daniel's hard cock, lubing him up and sinking on his dick. The sex was good, fairly fast but good. It wasn't very personal, little hugs and kisses were exchanged, I just wanted to reach my orgasm, clear my head of brown curls and green eyes. This doesn't seem to bother the young man who reached his orgasm shortly after me, falling heavily on the couch.  
  
After I separated from him and quickly cleaned us up with his t-shirt which is ruined anyway, he insisted that I lie down with him. We kissed a few more minutes before the boy fell asleep. I still waited for a good ten minutes, just for pure caution, before getting up and getting dressed, quietly leaving the apartment and calling a taxi in the elevator

  
I came home quietly, although there was no one, out of habit. I walked directly in the bathroom to the shower, spending a good half hour before going to lie down in my bed. I tossed and turned into my sheets an hour before grabbing my phone and called the only person I know who won't be upset for me to call at this hour. "Louis?" Eleanor's sleepy voice said. "Everything's okay? Where are you?" I didn't answer right away, trying to hold back my tears, failing miserably. "El?" I said my voice tied. "Baby, what's going on?" she asked, sounding really worried. I began to cry heavily, feeling even more shameful. With great difficulty and a lot of hiccups, I finally tell her how I had sex with Daniel. "Lou, where is the real problem? Wasn't it good? Die he hurt you?" I shook my head even though she couldn't see me. "No, that's not that. This is nothing like that."  
  
"So what?" I was wiping my eyes, feeling stupid and shameful. "I couldn't help but think of Harry all along, telling myself it was wrong, that I shouldn't do that." I cried again, a little louder. "Oh Lou..." I heard her say. I knew it was stupid, but now I feel like I could never get rid of Harry, that I could never move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

I do not filter any of his calls. Not at all, I just try to go without technology. For a little while. And I'm not, but not at all ashamed and embarrassed. After all, what did I do wrong except run away after sleeping with this man and I repeat, not filtring his calls? Nothing! I'm just trying to take a small spiritual retreat.   
  
The retreat include to take my daughter to the mall to buy her as many clothes as she wants, because I'm a great father. Already surrounded by what seems like a thousand bags, my daughter doesn't seem satisfied, apparently she still misses some clothes in her wardrobe. "Honey, I'm not sure I'm very excited about this... shirt?" I say this as my daughter is admiring a shirt. Well I think it's a shirt, but it lacks too much fabric, I'm sure we will see a half of her stomach!   
  
"Lou, it's not a shirt, it's a crop top!" she said, rolling her eyes, a bad habit that I gave to her, today I regret it. She headed for the fitting-rooms without even waiting for me, I gently followed still in shock by... her crop top.   
  
Once the girl in the dressing room, I took the opportunity to take a look at my phone. I do nothing wrong, I just take a quick look. Already six missed calls since this morning and a dozen of texts. I felt a little bad. Poor Daniel had done nothing wrong, on the opposite. It wasn't him who threw himself on me, who stripped me naked and wanted to have sex. And today, he is the one who takes the consequences.   
  
"What's up?" I automatically raised my head after hearing my daughter, my mouth opening wide. I was right, you could see half of her stomach. "Oh God, tell me I'm dreaming?" I said calmly. Katherine's smile fell suddenly. "You don't like it?" she seemed so disappointed that for a second, I felt guilty for my reaction but soon my instinct of a protective father came right back and I wasn't angry with myself at all.   
  
"Kathy, there is no way I'll buy you that."   
"But..."   
"No, Kathy! Don't argue, what kind of father would I be if I let you go out like that? Imagine what people would think of you?" My daughter crossed her arms, pouting, trying to soften me but when she realized it wouldn't work, she stormed back to the room, leaving me to hear her "rrrh" of anger.   
  
It was my turn to rolled my eyes. These teenagers, I swear. I let myself be a little weak for a minute to read  the texts Daniel left me.   
  
"Louis dis is me, Would ya anser 2 my call pls? xx"   
"Lou wat did i do wrong?"   
"im srry lou xxx"   
"Can I sse you? xx"   
"Lou ??? xx :("   
"Did i hurt you ??"   
"Im soz, dont u wan 2 see me anymoe ??"   
"Pleaze answer :("   
  
While I smiled despite myself to his texts and spelling more than doubtful, his number flashed on my screen. He is calling me. I looked at my screen for long seconds while the phone vibrated in my hand. I hesitated to answer. In reality, I didn't want to end what we have, I really appreciate him a lot, he's cute, charming, funny, intelligent, caring, and his youth gives me a bit of freshness. But I don't know how our next meeting will take place. Yeah, what am I going to tell him? "Sorry Daniel I have fled like a coward after we had sex last time. It's just that I couldn't help but think about my ex-husband while your dick was deep inside me..." See? It's a bad idea.   
  
The phone finally stopped ringing, waking me up out of my thoughts. "Why didn't you answer?" I raised my head quickly, surprised in my blurry state, I dropped my phone on the ground, placing my hand against my heart. "Can't you be loud as all the other teenagers?" I said, lowering myself to get my phone. "Wait, you filter calls now?"   
  
"I... I do not." I felt like a fool. I am a drama teacher, used to produce great speeches to my students and still I am unable to answer my 16 years-old girl. "But so totally!" she said, a big smile on her. "Who was that?" she walked towards me, trying to take the phone from my hands. I really felt like being with Eleanor, not with my child, right now, fortunately for me, I had an advantage over the girl, the parental right. "Kathy, I don't filter calls, it was only an unknown number. So if you don't mind, we'll go, because I really am getting tired."   
  
Once again, she crossed her arms over her chest before pouting, this was my weak point for years. Not anymore. "Go! Take your bags." She groaned, rolling her eyes while I was doing the same. These teens!

While parking the car in the driveway, I noticed him right away. "Shit." I said softly. How he managed to get here? When he saw my car arrived, he got up from the stairs where he had sat down, an hopeful look in his eyes. "Is that him?" I turned to my daughter, who had removed her sunglasses and looking at me with that smile she took from her father, I rolled my eyes. She whistled which surprised me before saying: "Wow, Lou, you've been lucky!" I looked at her, eyebrows raised before telling her to go home immediately. After yet another sigh from her, she got out of the car, passed next to Daniel, I am sure, smiling to him and going up the stairs. But of course, before walking in the house, she couldn't help but look at me one last time and giving me both thumbs up. I rolled my eyes before leaving the car hardly.   
  
Automatically, the brunette walked towards me, his hands trembling and nervous smile. "Hey," I said softly, ridiculously as if I didn't avoid him for a week. I went to the trunk of the car to get the billions of colorful bags  and without even having to asked him, Daniel took some bags in hand. "How did you find where I lived?" I asked just to make conversation. This question seemed to embarrassed the young man, his cheeks flushed red. "I-I asked the gym, your... your forms. With a little persuasion and charming smiles, I got it." I couldn't help but laugh a little at that, he's really crazy.   
  
Once in front of the stairs, I finally turned to him, his beauty still choked me even though I noticed the sadness that tinkled his eyes. "Louis... why are you avoiding me like that? And why did you left? What have I done wrong?" I let out a sigh of tiredness, I didn't think I was holding, without knowing it, I had prepared myself for this discussion, but I still don't know what to say. "Daniel, I. No it's not you... It's not that." This is the least adequate response of all time. "So what is it? This is the sex? It was so bad?"   
  
"No, Dani..." I began, but he interrupted me before I could finish what would have been a shitty answer. "It was too fast right?" I let a huge sigh before sitting down on the steps, exhausted, dropping my appearances. "Daniel, if I avoided you lately, it's because I feel guilty." Daniel sat down next to me, sad face. "Guilty of what? You did nothing wrong Louis."   
  
"I know! I said angry against myself but sounding defensive. But that doesn't stop the fact that I still feel guilty. I slept with the same man for over 10 years Daniel and then suddenly, I... I'm sleeping with someone else and everything is different and I feel guilty. I feel like I'm cheating on my ex." I laughed at myself for this sentence, because it's so ridiculous, I shouldn't feel such things, I should be very glad to have met another man.   
  
"So what does that mean for us? We stop?" I looked into his eyes and I could see he was struggling to hide his sadness, so I went to catch his hand. "No, I don't want to stop, I really appreciate you, Daniel and you, if you can understand my discomfort and can wait as long as I overcome it, I gladly would continue our relationship." Daniel's smile was finally back and I didn't think that seeing it will bring me so much joy.   
  
"I want to continue, I really like you... I have a crush for you Louis. And I'm willing to wait for you, I can understand how you must feel, but I won't let you slipped between my fingers." It was my turn to smile like an idiot, he was really cute. Without even thinking, I leaned over to him and put my lips on his. Then I got up, took the bags in hand and took his hand. When we got up the stairs, he stopped, I turned to him. "What?"   
  
"Your children are home?" I nodded my head, but he kept an uncertain face so I kissed him once more, sure of myself this time. "I intend to see you more often now, so we should introduce you to the children now. They'll love you!" I kissed his one last time, to be sure he was relaxed and opened the door, bringing this man in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's smut in this chapter and like, Louis is really submissive. 
> 
> The fun thing is, I'm from the part of the fandom who believe in top!Louis but will write almost only bottom!Louis, because I think it's hotter. Tell me what you think :)

I didn't make a mistake, Daniel quickly found his place in my house. It has been just over two weeks he walked through the door, anxious and terrified by my children (I can't really blame him) and now he spends almost all his evenings at mine. It still makes me weird sometimes waking up in the morning and see him by my side, but the joy to see him waking up, push this feeling away.  
  
Even what I feared most didn't happened. My children love him! Although at first I could see that Shane had some doubts, he didn't speak to him and he threw him interrogative looks, now he doesn't hesitate to monopolize him. My two daughters had no problem, even the youngest didn't say anything when he sat at the table with us. And I'm very happy, because honestly, it would have made me feel a little like shit to have to broke up with him. But now, now I'm here, I'm happier than ever in a year and slowly but surely, forgetting Harry.

"What I really don't want to see is soap opera act, I know the scene is rather difficult and formal, but people can't hear that you've learned by heart." I said to the students who are listening to me attentively, eyes glued to their text. I felt they had all pressure on them, I planned for this year a little more complicated play for Christmas show, a love story written by a Russian in a post-apocalyptic world, in other words we have plenty of work ahead of us. "And you Mary, I want you to learn to control your hands I know you're stressed but don't move them that much, it can be..."  
  
The respectful silence kept in the room until now was interrupted by the door at the back of the room which was opened violently. I raised my eyes to this as the other people present. I was surprised to see Harry, in a suit and impatient expression on his face, he never came to my work before even when we were married. I noticed as well, the way my young students watched him with lust, red cheeks and charming smile. It took me a lot of willpower, to not roll my eyes at their behavior.  
  
His eyes finally fell on me, not difficult when I was alone on stage, and asked me to join him silently before going out. I asked Eleanor quickly to replace me before joining the curly lad. He looked very annoyed. "Harry, what are you..." I began but the brunette didn't let me finish. "Do you or not live with this other man?" he asked suddenly, stern look.  
  
I was caught off guard by his question, wondering exactly where he could have hear this. I stayed a few seconds mouth opened, before replying a simple "no". This answer didn't seem to satisfy him as he let out a small humorless laugh. "That's odd, because the twins well assured me otherwise." And then I finally understood. This bastard had come all the way up to my work just to hit me with his jealous rage. It's unbelievable! "Wait, don't tell me you believe everything the twins say? They are 4, Harry!"  
  
"I don't know who I should believe the most, you or them now." His sentence had so much venom behind it, it makes me really mad and suddenly I was not at all quiet. "I'll tell you the truth, Harry, Daniel doesn't live with me but it's true that he spends a lot of time at home and yes, I have introduced him to the children and that is why the twins are convinced that we live together, but that is not the case." I don't know what kind of response he expected, but seeing his face, it really was not that one. He looked at me with hard and black eyes and he began to really pisses me off.  
  
"Can I trust this guy? Because you know, I too am worried for the children." And this was it, I had no tact anymore, I can't stand him. "Yes, you can trust him, because Daniel is a great guy. And if you had listened to the children any longer, they would have told you they love him. He plays soccer with Shane, watch cartoons with Kalcey and helps Kathy with her math homework! Clearly, he does everything a good father is supposed to do, but how could you know that?" Later that evening, I probably would regret those words, but for now, I have nothing but rage. This is just my anger coming out. Harry looked very angry and sad but he said nothing, so I took the opportunity to add, mood low. "I didn't do shit to you with your girlfriend, so I beg you, let me also move on." It was supposed to come out bitterly, but it came out more like a plea, I must be tired or something.  
  
After a few seconds where I just looked into his eyes, discerning what could be only sadness, I returned to the theater, not liking the atmosphere that was here.

A few days later, the exchange that gradually became a routine for everyone started again. Bags loans, kids dressed and ready to go, we were all waiting in the living room in front of a replay of "Face Off" the imminent arrival of Harry. I knew he had arrived even before it rang, Kalcey already running towards the door, having heard the car pull up. Soon we followed her and I opened the door even before Harry had climbed all the steps. He kissed the children and merely send me a small smile. When the kids were all ready, Harry asked Kathy to put them in the car because he had to talk to me in private and I already feared this chat. After what I had dared to tell him, I was afraid of his reaction, personally, I would have react very badly.  
  
"Louis, I wanted to apologize for what I did to you... Actually, I would like to apologize for everything, for the behavior I had with you since the divorce, I behaved like an asshole and I want you to forgive me." Not prepared for that, I didn't answer for a few moments before saying that I accepted his apology. This allowed at least a small smile from him.  
  
"You know, I really want you to move on, you're happy again with this guy, what I should have done. I know I've been a lousy husband and father for too long so I hope that Daniel will do better than me." Not knowing what to say but pleased with his revelations, I went to briefly hug him. With a small smile, I thanked him for his words. "I assure you, you have never been a lousy father. I can't say the same for the husband thing but it was only towards the end, you've been great for many years. Thank you Harry."  
  
He took me in his arms, a little longer this time and when parting, we had both two big smiles on our faces. And at that moment, I thought that I could finally turn the page because I finally made peace with Harry and finally a page was turned, I could start another one. Harry left my house with a flame in his eyes and I couldn't stop smiling for the evening.

The next day and after a delicious date, I was going home with Daniel. The house quiet and empty greeted us and it gave me some ideas. I dragged the boy by the hand to my room before lying on the big bed and pulling him on me.

I'm not saying that we haven't done anything since last time but we haven't done anything but quick handjobs or rare blowjobs. Daniel being almost always at mine, we can't do anything too serious when the kids are there and even when they aren't there, we never have time! So tonight is the big night! I'm gonna finally found a healty sexual life back. 

The boy on me was as hurry as me, having already undressed ourselves and taking advantages of my simple outfit to kiss all the given parts of my body. He spent lots of time torturing the delicate skin of my neck, making me moan sometime by licking my sensible earlobe. He got down then to my pronounced collarbone where he took his time to create a beautiful purple hickey. He got up to my face to let a light kiss on my rosy lips which make me want for more.

As I was trying to get up to catch his lips, his hands clad me to the mattress, which make me moan once more, I will never say it out loud but I love being manhandled in bed. He then got up on his knees where he just looked at me for a few seconds, I must be such a mess, I'm so turned on. My breathing fast, my cock full and curved on my belly, I bring my hands to the cushion in order to not touch myself. The boy's hands who was torturing me were caressing softly the sensible skin of my inner thighs and I desperately wanted more. As if he understood what I wanted, he put one of his hand near my hole and let a finger drift there, I arched my back as I cry pitifully for him to put it in me.   But instead, Daniel kept caressing my hole as he put himself back on me, his face mere inches from mine.

"Dani... come on!" I hiss as my hole flutter around Daniel' digit. "Do you want me to eat you out Louis?" He said as he put more pressure against my hole which made me cry out. I nodded my head slowly before resting my hand on the back of the boy's neck to kiss him greedily. Daniel started his way back down with kisses: my neck, my chest, licking each of my hard nipples, making me shiver, my hip... As I was becoming a real mess of moans and goosebumps, the boys stopped to my surprise, I lift my head to see that the boy was deeply watching my hip.

And only there, I remembered this tattoo. This tiny tattoo which only Harry and me knew the existence of. I did it when I was barely 20, my very first tattoo, long before the ones I had in common with my ex. A simple black "H", in a simple handwriting and no real style, at the time, I just wanted to prove my love and my belonging to Harry. And he clearly made me understand for years how this ridiculous "h" was his favorite tattoo on me, if the way he loved to kiss it, lick it, mark it, come on it is any clues to it.

I stopped thinking about it a long time ago, completely forgetting it with times but I understand its effect now when I see Daniel's reaction. I wanted to get up and talk with him when, without a word, the boy threw himself between my cheeks and start licking between them with all he have. I knew he had a talented tongue, but now, I fucking know it! He knows when to lick, to kiss and when to penetrate me with his tongue and I am so overwhelmed! I forgot the feeling of being eating out. I don't remember the last time Harry did it to me, but at least two years! And only now I aknowledge how much I missed it. 

And now I'm glad we waited until the children were gone cause I think that even if I was trying to, I couldn't shut up, this is just too good! And just when Daniel insert one of his long finger inside me, I lose control and came all over my belly with a cry of what I guess is the guy between my legs' name

The boy kept on licking me softly until I cried of overstimulation. He then came up to my neck and sucked a pretty impressive hickey while I went to put my hand on his very hard and very wet dick. But before I could take it, Daniel grabbed my hand and push it against the bed. "Daniel what are you...?" Before I could finish, the boy has raised his head from my neck and I could see how black his eyes were. He grabbed my second hand and put it on the other side of my head, keeping eye contact as he was placing his legs on both sides of my thigh. His eyes were glued to mine as he put his mouth on my nipple and started playing with it, licking and bitting it roughly, I could only throw my head back.

I was still sensitive from my previous orgasm and it was too much but when I felt the boy starting to rut against my thigh, I understood that he was getting off on this. So I raise my leg a bit for better friction as I let him play with my body. It took only a few minutes for Daniel to come on my leg. He cleaned us up and kiss me slowly, like he was trying to apologize for using me when I loved every seconds of it. 

After an episode of Breaking Bad and a Candy Bar Pie ice cream, the boy next to me has fell asleep and I will soon join him. But first, something came to my mind, I just had amazing sex with this man and I didn't felt guilty, I still don't. Nothing, I just felt what he wanted me to feel. Does this mean I'm finally moving on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't really long nor that interesting but it's important (?) for the following chapters??
> 
> But don't worry, I'm in break and have nothing to do, so I'll write a lot :)

Just like two teenagers who had sex for the first time, Daniel and I took advantage of the Harry's guard to catch up as much sex as possible. And it must be said that even though it always makes me cringe, Daniel's youth makes me happy in the bedroom. He's never tired, his body giving him clearly no limits. I'm not complaining, quite the opposite.   
  
Taking the advantage that he is gone to have a well-deserved shower, I took my laptop to do some research. I'd never really thought about it, but now that I think about it, tattoos don't fade away, at least not easily. And not for free. I have dropped the idea of removing each tattoos that I have in common or for Harry, that would mean like 80% of my tattoos. But I am determined to remove the "H". And don't think I'm doing this only because Daniel saw it. That's one reason but it's also for me. Like the bird or compass or even the "It is what it is" can pass, people don't necessarily know what they mean, but an "H" like this, on such an intimate part of my anatomy, it's very eloquent.   
  
Moreover, this tattoo was to prove my love for Harry. Today, it is clear that I have no need to do that, and besides, it's very insulting to Daniel. I don't know what I would think in his place, but it must not be enjoyable. So now, I'm planning to remove it. But, contrary to what one might think, the Internet doesn't give me all the information I requested and so I think going to a tattoo artist directly, which does not lack in California, who will answer all my questions and my anxieties.   
  
As I looked at pictures of tattoos erased, I heard the water shut off and soon a cool and a little shiny Daniel joined me on the bed. Even though just an hour ago he was pouding into me with force, that doesn't stop him of wanting another round. He started kissing my neck gently, running his hand inside my thigh and I understood immediately what he wanted. I turned my head towards him to join our mouths and kissed him softly. When our tongues began to meet, I felt the computer falling off my thighs so I stopped kissing the boy to put the laptop on the nightstand.   
  
Instinctively, I came to sit on Daniel, putting my hands on either side of his face but he was focused on something else. The screen of my computer to be exact, which I had left on my searching page. I felt that the atmosphere became serious again and I don't really like it, I wanted to be fuck here, not to talk. "Daniel, is there a problem?" I asked, softly stroking gently my thumbs on his face. "I... no. What were you doing?"   
  
I could not help but chuckle to him, no need to be a genius to know what I was doing. "It seems obvious, isn't it? Silly." I said, coming to kiss him gently on the corner of his mouth. Wanting to warm the atmosphere again, I went down putting my lips on his neck, leaving wet light kiss against his fair skin. "Louis?" he called me, so I raised my head to him, frustrated. He had a serious expression on his face and looked annoyed. "You don't have to do that. Remove this tattoo I mean." It was a little hard to believe, he really is unique, even when I give himthe opportunity to complain, he's always sympathetic. His reaction made me so happy that I couldn't help but kiss him a little longer.   
  
"Dani, this is not only for you that I want to do this. Okay, it's true that I'm doing this a little for you, but also for me. I mean, this tattoo is like a written and eternal proof that I was Harry's, which is obviously no longer the case. so I need to do this. I want to free myself, to move on. I don't know if you understand." At this stage, I played nervously with the messy blanket, hoping he would understands me and he wouln't find me ridiculous. When I felt the boys' lips back in contact with the skin of my neck, I knew he had understand. I kissed him a bit more before asking him if he would go with me to the tattoo removal because from what I read, it is extremely painful and I'm a little stressed. Of course, the great prince accepted and finally we could fuck... again.

As expected, I went a few days later to a very famous tattoo parlor in town. There, I was greeted by several customers and two tattoo artists but these two were already busy and I didn't feel like disturbing their work. So I waited on the side for one of them to be free. But soon, I was stopped by a tanned man, young enough, an alarming beauty and as tattooed as the others. So I concluded that he, too was of the shop.   
  
I walked towards him a little intimidated, he really is beautiful. "What can I do for you mate?" he asked, getting behind the counter and pulling out a notebook and a pen. Having multitudes of tattoos, I already knew what he was preparing to do but I didn't come here for that. "Actually, I'm not here to get a tattoo, rather the opposite. I need a few informations on one of my tattoos and who better to answer them than a tattoo artist?" The man gave me a nod to go, so I explained the situation quickly without talking too much details, after all, he don't need to know my life.   
  
Once explained everything and after a quick examination of the tattoo, the guy was fixed. "From what I see, to remove this tattoo, it shouldn't take no longer than two to three sessions. Your tattoo looks old, the ink is a bit erased even if it's still black and it's really small. Yes, it won't take a lot of time." I asked him a few tips on where to direct me for this, the  prices and the pain I was going to endure. The boy, Zayn I've learned over our conversation, very well advised me, answering every question that I had. He even encouraged me strongly to buy a numbing cream on the Internet and to apply it an hour before the appointment.   
  
I thanked him and took the direction of the exit. But when I went to open the door, someone beat me to it and went in and I recognized a familiar face. Big brown eyes, short hair, a light beard, a slim and strong body, all still dressed in a formal suit. It was Liam, one of Harry's few colleagues that I've ever been able to talk with. No wonder, this guy is nice and very friendly while all the others are so pretentious and hipster, but he isn't. Seeing me, his eyes open wide, is was almost comical. "Louis?" He seemed very surprised to see me. We greeted each other and exchanged a quick hug.   
  
I suddenly wondered what Liam was doing here, to my knowledge, he had no tattoos, I believe that one day, he even told me he hated needles. So I couldn't help but wonder what the brown man was doing here. Again, the reaction of the man was funny, he blushed like a tomato, desperate to find some words. I was going to let it go and let him return to a normal color when two arms closed around the man's waist. I really thought for a moment that the boy was dying, but he seemed to calm down when Zayn came to put his lips on his cheek, and what is happening?   
  
I stood there speechless a moment before understanding and voice full of confusion, I asked, "So are you two... like together?" Liam had not lost his color while his companion's eyebrows furrowed. "Yes... I don't understand Liam." The boy asked directly to the man and I felt a little stupid. After he took one second to regain his composure, Liam broke away from the tattoo artist and stood between us. "Louis, I introduce you Zayn Malik, my fiancé..." I noticed the little smug smile Liam had on his face, obviously very proud and the very slight color that took over Zayn's cheeks. "... and Zayn, I introduce you Louis Styles, Harry's husband."   
  
I shook the hand held out to me y the tanned man, adding: "In fact, it's ex-husband now so Louis Tomlinson, nice to meet you." Liam apologize profusely immediately, I told him that it was nothing wrong but I could still see sadness on their faces and I didn't like it too much. Pity was never my thing. "Stop with the puppy face, I found someone else, I'm fine." Zayn nodded, having now probably understand why I wanted to erase the tattoo but I noticed that the face of his fiancé hadn't changed, quite the opposite. He seemed more sad and sorry. Not knowing what to do with his eyes, I greeted the two men and left the parlor, a little troubled by the sadness of Liam's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really interesting, like I'm sorry, you don't even have to read it. This is shit.

My appointment for the tattoo removal was took. It was today and if you know me even a little, you would understand just by my face that I'm completely terrified. It's true that even though I have a lot of tattoos, it seems that the pain has nothing to do with what I'll feel this morning. As advised me Zayn, I, with the invaluable assistance of Daniel, generously applied the cream on my hip and took a huge breakfast just not to faint during the session. And as there was too much food for me, I decided, despite the grumpy mood of my oldest girl to have breakfast with the family. And Eleanor... which is like another one of my little sisters, so it's the same.   
  
This scene was almost like one we could find in the 80s series. A family (okay, a homoparental one) eating together one sunny morning (it's raining), children laughing at the jokes of their father (this is also totally false, Kathy is on her phone, Shane is sutcked to the TV and Kalcey is drawing). Therefore made, this doesn't looks like the series at all. But I was surrounded by my best friend, my children and my boyfriend, what more to ask?   
  
Daniel had finished his plate and was about to go for a run, but the gentleman that he is didn't forget to ask me before if I needed help with the children. "Don't worry, I have experience with these ones, I think I can handle it." I said with a small smile, the brunette stood up and kissed me chastely but intimately before leaving the room. I had looked him go away as a teenager in love and when I lay my eyes back on the table, I noticed two young women looking at me with big happy smiles.   
  
"What?" I asked them, blushing but they only exchange accomplice looks before turning their eyes on me again. I have to stop putting these two in the same room. "Stop looking at me like that."   
  
"Sorry Louis but really, you two are so adorable, it becomes embarassing for me." said my colleague finally looking away. I threw her a silly grin, before hiding my grin behind my cup of tea. My daughter was still looking at me with a little knowing smile. I knew what she meant to say even before she opens her mouth, she was happy for me.   
"We can say that you found the perfect guy." My friend added with a wink. I would never stop blushing with that one. "Honestly, yes he's perfect and it makes me a little scared." I said, always hiding behind my cup. "But what are you talking about?"   
  
"I'm just saying that sometimes I'm afraid of not being good enough for him." My daughter and Eleanor rolled their eyes at the same time. "Will you stop? Even a blind guy could say that this guy is crazy about you." I don't know if, in fact, this really helped me. Because even though he makes extremely happy, I still have those fears deep inside telling me he will leave me. I mean, we're almost ten years apart. I accomplished things he should probably not even want but one day it will come. And the day he will want to marry or have children, I don't think I will be ready. Basically, I didn't think that this story would make it so far, I didn't think we would get along as well.   
  
"Daddy?" asked my youngest daughter. "Will you and Prince Daniel live together one day?" Everyone at the table was quiet for a few seconds, amazed by the question of the child. Finally, I was breaking the silence, laughing softly. "Prince Daniel? What's that?" The little girl, who didn't even look at me, told me still coloring. "One day we were playing princess game and as I am the princess of the house, I told him he could be the prince if he wanted to." she said, furiously coloring a unicorn.   
  
"And what am I then?" I asked, continuing the little game of my daughter, amusing Eleanor. "Obviously, the Queen!" And this was it for my colleague who was laughing hysterically, soon joined by Kathy and me screaming at them to stop. I don't know if I should feel insulted or flattered to have this role in the story. "Anyway, I hope one day you will make him a king." finished my daughter innocently. She didn't know it, but she had put a bomb on the table. The two girls had stopped laughing and I felt stuck in my seat, unable to move. What had just told my daughter, if I understood right, was that she hoped that one day I would be married to Daniel. And as I said before, I don't think I can do that.   
  
Not knowing what to say, I stopped the breakfast, asking the children to get ready, when it was almost time for school. In less than a minute, the table was empty again, only Eleanor and I were still sat. Soon I got up and started to clear the table mechanically. My friend helped me in peace, knowing that it was useless to discuss at this time, I was already lost in my own thoughts. I wondered if my daughter had asked me that spontaneously or if she had heard it somewhere. Could it be Daniel? Does he already wanted that? Because I damn know that I don't want that.   
  
After my recent divorce, I thought he would have realized that I wasn't ready to start over. It seems so obvious, but at the same time, I think that it might be mean of me to not want to even imagine for a minute, me married to Daniel. After all, he is really perfect, I haven't lied. He is kind, understanding, attentive, he helps me with the kids, he is nice to them, he never complain. I don't think I can find better than him. And this is where the question arises: Am I good enough for him? I'm sure thousands of other men better than I would be good for him, so why does he choose to stay with me? I'm afraid that his young age makes him take wrong decisions.   
  
"Louis? Tell me what you think?" my friend finally finally asked me when the table was cleared completely. "I'm just thinking that this relationship is too perfect to be real, I'm going to screw up one way or another and I'm going to be sad and alone again." The brunette look at me sadly before coming to take me in her frail arms, gently stroking my hair. "Louis, you must not say such things. Daniel is not like that, he wants you to be happy." My heart was tight at her words, she tries to help me but her words only aggravate the situation.   
  
"The thing is that I'm afraid I don't have the tools to make him happy." I detach myself from her when I heard my son called for me and at the turn of the stairs, I noticed the sad expression adorning her face. That made me feel even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It begins to be interesting :)

I waited anxiously for the return of Daniel. With Eleanor, who had offered to take the children to school and some free time, I had prepared myself hard for this conversation with the young man. I wanted to put things flat and be sure that we were on the same page. It means a relationship free of any too serious future commitments. And so, if we were not in agreement on this point, I let him the option to leave me now, for my part, those needs won't change. After my last marriage, I don't want to start all over again and I have three children, whom I love of course with all my heart, but I can't repeat all those steps.  
  
While my head was filled with things I could say to him, I heard the front open and soon a sweaty and red-faced Daniel made his entry through the living room door. When he saw me, he stopped in his tracks, something on my face must betray me. "Lou, where are the children?"  
  
"El took them to school." I replied, hoping that my voice was calm, I don't know myself. The brown-haired boy's eyebrows furrowed a little, I saw in his actions that he hesitated to come near me. "Louis, is there a problem?" His voice rose higher towards the end of his sentence and then I realized he was panicking. Unfortunately for him, I wasn't ready to answer his questions, I still don't know them myself. "You should go take a shower." I said in a quiet tone and not at all usual. I wasn't making the situation better at all, either for him or for me. His face showed pure misunderstanding, but he said nothing. He simply nodded and went to the bathroom.  
  
I even stayed a few minutes sitting there on the couch, thinking about what I might say. When I heard the water finally flowing, I decided to join him, speaking through a shower curtain will be easier for me. When I came into the bathroom, it was already smoking and I heard Daniel sing softly, it made me smile. I was goi to put me on the counter sinks, swing by my feet as a kid. "The children adore you, you know?" I said as an introduction. I don't really know where I am going with that but I wanted to start on something nice, not wanting to be too hard on him. "I love them too." The boy's voice sounded suspicious, as if he wasn't really sure on what to answer.  
  
"Apparently, you're even the prince of this house." I said with a smirk. I heard the boy light laugh behind the curtain and soon the water stopped. "And I was told that I was the queen." Daniel laughed harder at that. He opened the shower curtain and got out of it. I let my eyes unconsciously scattered over his beautiful body, wishing that at this time we were doing something other than talk about things that I don't really want to discuss. After placing a towel around his waist, the boy comes to stand between my legs, placing his sweaty palms on either side of my thighs.  
  
"Lou, what's wrong?" he asked quietly, serious again. He looked me straight in the eye and I prefered that he didn't because then it would be easier to start this conversation. "You make me very happy... But Dani do I make you happy?" The boy seemed taken by surprise, his eyes opened wide and his head leaned to the side. "Louis, but... of course! What is that question? I've never been happier with someone." It was adorable. But it doesn't really answer my question. Well, he answered right but he didn't go further, and it bothers me.  
  
"But don't you want more? Don't you have more dreams, desires, anything you can't do with me?!" The boy's face expressed only surprise, he really seemed to understand nothing of what I insinuated. "But... don't you want to be with someone of your age? To get married? Or to have children later? Because I don't want that!" I finally confessed and if I could remove these words, I would have probably done it because the boy's eyes darkened immediately. "Sorry, Daniel." I said much quieter. "But it's the truth, I've lived it and I don't want it again."  
  
"So what now? You're going to dump me?" he asked, his voice heavy. I looked back into his eyes and he looked sad and angry. "No. I won't. But I leave you the choice to leave me, because I know that all these experiences are wonderful and I don't want you to miss them because of me." I didn't dare touch him, I didn't know if he wanted me to, I didn't want to rush him.  
  
"No, I don't want to break up with you. I... I love you Louis." Immediately I opened my eyes to this. Had I heard correctly? Did he admit to me that... "What?" I said, shocked.  
  
"I'm in love with you Louis! And I don't care if you don't want to get married again or if you don't want any more children. I can understand you, and I don't care. The point is not to share a ring or to have a child, all I want is to be able to call you 'mine'." I watched with a touched smile on my lips. I don't know if everything he says is true, if in ten years he will have the same speech but I am satisfied for the moment. Because at least he is still with me and my fears have subsided. We could work well together.

They didn't lie. The pain of getting a tattoo removed is much higher than to get one! I left my first session and two things came to my mind. 1) anesthetic cream is of no use at all and 2) I'm not in any hurry for the next sessions. Daniel, having decided that I was very brave, proposed me to go find something to make cupcakes at the supermarket. Although everything I wanted was to get back home to empty a bottle to forget the burn in my hip, I thought that it would also make the children happy. So I decided to be a big boy and think of others before me.  
  
We strolled the aisles of the supermarket, looking for the best frosting when my worst nightmares appeared. Harry. No, he is not my nightmare but the fact that he and Daniel are in the same geographical area is. I tried not to look at him so he won't notice us, but unfortunately for me, he went directly for us. And I realized he hadn't even calculated it when I saw his expression of surprise when he saw me.  
  
"Louis?" I let go of Daniel's hand to take the curly man briefly in my arms, just to be polite, before turning and introducing with anxiety, the two men. I was afraid of the reaction of my ex when I presented him to my boyfriend, knowing very well his temperament. Also, I was expecting a worse reaction knowing the age difference between Daniel and me. But no, nothing. Harry just shook Daniel's hand with a courteous smile and he did nothing that could embarrass me. I found it strange, and even suspectful. So I sent Daniel to go pick up some apple juice when I knew very well there was still mass of it at home. "What are you playing at?" I asked the curly lad when my boyfriend left the alley. "Excuse me?" he replied, surprised.  
  
"This is my boyfriend, the one you've already typed me a fit of jealousy over, who is, and clearly to everyone, younger than me. And so you, you don't find anything to say? Even not a little lousy joke?" I said, looking at him from the corner of the eye. Harry blew out some air trying to hide his growing smile. "Louis, I know I was a real asshole with you, but I really meant what I said last time, I will let you move on. That include having nothing to say about your love life. And besides, he looks really charming, I'm happy for you Lou...is." I was a little surprised by his revelation, I thought he had apologized at the time, not that he really meant it.  
  
"Oh? Well, thank you Harry, I... I don't know what to say." I said, laughing nervously, Harry looked at me with a big smile and it put me a little uncomfortable, so I quickly changed the topic. "And you? How's your girlfriend, Suzanne right?"  
  
"Oh uh... it's over. I broke up with her actually. The kids hated her, she was too superficial, I didn't even really liked her really." I apologized to him even though deep down, I was glad he was no longer with her. I had only seen her once, but she seemed really dumb, he deserve better. We talk for a few more minutes about everything and anything until he had to go, giving me a hug before leaving. I was still staring right ahead when I felt two arms close around my waist from behind. "Everything's okay?" Daniel whispered in my ear.  
  
I just nodded my head, still looking at where Harry stood just a few minutes ago. And strangely, although I should feel happy that my ex and my current boyfriend could get along,  I feel only emptiness. An emptiness soon filled up by sadness, miss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's small but it's there.

The last session of tattoo removal wasn't easier than the first, but in any case, it was much happier because I knew it was the last. When Zayn told me he wouldn't take long to remove the tattoo, I didn't think he meant two months! Because yes, my first session was two months ago. Don't worry, you didn't miss so much.   
  
So we are now in July, kids are on vacation, in a few days it's the twins' birthday, they will be 5. Oh, Kathy has a boyfriend! I caught one of her conversation with the boy and now I'm a little concerned. Daniel finally decided to go after his dreams to become a math teacher, to do that, he will participate in a summer internship. So these are the last days we spend together before two long months to be separated. In reality, he should be gone already but he wanted to be present for the birthday of Shane and Kalcey. So yeah, you did miss lots of things.

For their fifth birthday, I saw big! I know I probably am spoiling them but they're my babies and they're happy if I make them a birthday party, not like a certain teenage girl. So I divided their birthday in two parts: a party with their friends in the afternoon and a family dinner in the evening.   
  
For the children, I didn'ot count and I had a rather original idea. I thought it would need a theme to make the party more fun and therefore I chose a pirate theme. My children, yes even Kalcey, were very pleased with this idea. So I prepare this in a park not far from my apartment. And I'm honestly pretty proud of the result. Everywhere balloons with skulls on them, a buffet totally in the theme, a (pirate) box filled with costumes for children to put on and I even made up a pirate flag.   
  
But you know what is best in this story? Is that I could attend the joy of my children without risking a headache because I had the wonderful idea to hire two coordinators to occupy the children and will make a treasure hunt, so me and Daniel will be there doing nothing and will receive all the glory. 

As I guessed, the party was a great success, my kids were ecstatic, they were two batteries, summarizing me everything they had done during the afternoon even though I was there. But I said nothing, just enjoying their happiness as it filled my heart with love. Once at home, Daniel generously offered to go bathe and dress the children. I let him do it with joy because even though I love them with all my heart, I know they are going to be terrible after all that sugar they have swallowed the whole afternoon and if I can't be one that will be soak by these two little monsters, I won't refuse.   
  
Instead, I went into the kitchen and began to prepare the meal for the guests. Preparing the meal simply means, warm and put food already prepared by a caterer in dishes. Then I went to set the table and once done, I could stay in the kitchen, watching distractedly the food while reading a magazine. I am glad that Daniel is not interested in fashion because if that were the case, he would surely knows that the magazine which is found every week in the mailbox is Harry's. Be separated doesn't mean that I don't admire his work anymore.   
  
Then something went off. Almost mechanically, I turned to the oven before I realized that the ring was not from it. It rang again and only then I realized it was the door. I walked towards it looking at the clock, the guests were not even expected until an hour. I opened the door and found myself in front of Harry, elegantly dressed, hair pushed back, no tie around his neck and a bottle of wine in his hands.   
  
"Harry? Why... didn't you make a mistake in the schedule? We don't expect you for another hour." The man sent me a big warm smile and came in the apartment as if he still lived there, handing me the bottle of wine, I took it in disbelief. "I know I'm early, I came to offer my help if needed and to surprise the children. I felt guilty for not being able to get off work this afternoon but I got out as soon as possible." To tell you I'm surprised would be an understatement, I'm completely on my ass. Harry didn't even try to leave work early for two years, so him doing so today shocks me a little bit. But I'm glad that he is changing, it's what he needed, to keep bad habits is never a good thing. The only thing that annoys me is that he decided to change when we are already separated and therefore it means that it's going to be anyone other than me who will benefit from these changes.   
  
"Well, I don't need help with anything at the moment but if you want to see the children, they are upstair." I said after a too long pause. Harry gently touched my arm before getting into this apartment that he knows as his pocket, no wonder why, he lived here.   
  
Only when I was back in the kitchen, I remembered that Daniel was also upstair. And even though I know they will not kill one another, I don't really like to know they're alone, no one know what could happen. Fear in my stomach, I waited in anguish in the kitchen, listening. Finally, I heard footsteps on the stairs and Daniel soon joined me. I said nothing and he difn't either, he had the shirt soaked as I predicted and  face closed. Unfortunately, I don't yet know him enough to know exactly what is going on in his head. I don't know if he is angry against me or just angry in general, I don't know. I just know he didn't smile at me and he didn"t speak to me and that's unusual.   
  
"Dani, you're okay?" I asked him tentatively, not knowing how to approach him. The boy replied a "yes" who doesn't mean yes so I did the only thing I knew to make him feel better. I came cuddle him from behind, putting my arms around his waist and kissing him gently behind the ear. I kept on going until I felt he was relaxed again and saw a slight smile gracing his face. "You know, tonight you'll meet my parents?" I said in his ear. Daniel turned to be in front of me and he was now smiling again. I know that these things make him infinitely happy because they are steps that ensure the continuity of our relationship. He kissed me on the lips and I knew he had lost his bad mood.   
  
Between kisses, I saw movements behind my eyelids, gently opening my eyes, I noticed my two little devils running to the lounge. But just behind them was Harry, I don't know why but I stopped the kiss immediately. Daniel looked at me with questioning eyes but it wasn't his eyes that made me feel bad. No, it's the veil of sadness that I saw in Harry's eyes that made me ill. As the two men looked at me and as I didn't know what to say, I decided to be a coward and run away to my room, saying I had to dress up. I rushed to my room and so that no questions disturb my mind, I really was dressong up, taking care about my clothes rather than the issues that beset me.   
I had seen that look once on Harry and already the first time, we had been a bit destroyed. Except that now I can't reassure him, I don't have the right.   
  
While I put on my pants, Daniel came into the room looking even more upset that before and I knew very well this time it was my fault. Like me, the boy began to change. The calm that surrounded us was hard, unpleasant. But soon and when he was just removing his soaked shirt, Daniel broke the silence, cutting it with his harsh words. "Did I dreamed or did you really pushed me away because your ex saw us kissing?" His tone was hard and I think this is the first time I see him really angry. He isn't the type to get angry, he is always calm, never raising his voice, yet there he is completely upset. I tried weakly to turn the conversation, explaining that he had misinterpreted my gesture to not have to talk about it because I really didn't want to discuss it. Because in the end, it's the truth, I pushed him away because Harry was there.   
  
"I don't understand Louis. He's your ex! I'm your boyfriend, I should have the right to kiss you when I feel like it!" He spoke a little too loud for my taste and the more I was trying to make him tone down a bit the more he went loud. I was afraid that the children and especially Harry heard us. "Daniel, try to understand, I was married to him for eleven years. Even if we're divorced, it doesn't mean that I have to hurt him by kissing you just in front of him." It was probably not the right words to calm him if his sudden silence was any proof. I think I have made the position even more bad. "Wait, you're seriously going to worry for his feelings here? Do you think about my feelings? Do you think it doesn't hurt me to see that you stop just because he's here? Do you think it makes me feel good to have the feeling of not being good enough for you? I feel like I'll always be in the shadow of your ex?" I know he has every reason in the world to get mad like that and what he's saying touch me. But when he shout at me like that, it only makes me more tense because it makes me recall many bad memories. He must have realized it as he immediately lowered his voice, approaching me to look me in the eye for his next words.   
  
"Louis... I know what Harry means to you, I know it's your first love and he is the father of your children and for these reasons, he has an important place in your life. But. But I think you should give me a chance and give me a little more room because I love you and I love the children. and I believe you guys love me too." I had like granite in my stomach and a smile on my face at the end of his speech. Because he is always very understanding even when I fuck up and he's there for me, supporting me, so I have to give him a chance.   
"I want to give you room Dani." I said to him, voice a murmur. He took both of my hands and kissed them.   
  
"So tonight, please, I would like us to be a couple, which means behaves like one in front of your family and that, even if Harry is there, okay?" Although it wasn't exactly my want, I accepted his proposal because he deserved it. After some quick kiss, I finished getting dressed quickly. For long minutes, Daniel complimented me on my outfit, telling me how beautiful and sexy he thought I was and that he was in a hurry for the evening to be finally over so we can be alone. That made me smile again, I went down a little less stressed for the evening. I went to the living room where my kids were amazed by the TV.   
  
When Harry saw me come in, he looked at me quickly from the corner of his eye and I was glad to see he looked more composed than earlier. I went to sit at his side, leaving a safe distance between us. "You're really beautiful Louis." he whispered so that children won't hear. I watched him a few seconds to realize he had a small smile and I turned my head almost immediately, trying to calm my beating heart and hide the red of my cheeks. And while I tried to calm down, because Daniel had just entered the room, I thought to myself that I was a bit in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)  
> In the next chapter, be ready for some confidences.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm late, I'm sorry! It's just that I got back to school and it's really hard and tiring so I don't have much time sorry again. I hope this chapter will make it for the lack of writing.

The day after the birthday party, while wrapping paper and food were still found around in the apartment, Daniel left. His train was early in the morning and I offered to accompany him because after that, I won't see him again for two months. I'm not saying that I'm not sad, no. I'm just saying that if we had been a few years back and it was Harry who was going, I would be much less compound. But now, nothing. I feel a little sad but I can't express it.  
  
But that doesn't seem to bother the boy who took me in his arms and kissed me before going into the train, I stood there and smiled at him until the train starts. Once it lost in the horizon, I returned to my car quickly, eager to head back home. But on the way back, when I was driving distractedly, images of the day before came back to my mind. The party went well though. The children were very happy that their two fathers and the family are together again even the presence of Daniel didn't disturbed anybody. My parents loved him, they were pleased that I was well so quickly after my divorce with Harry. And yet, even though it was the birthday of my children, I didn't feel very well.  
  
I was happy that my children were happy and the guests and Daniel were also but I noticed that someone didn't look good. And I think I was the only one who could see it because he knows very well to hide it. Harry had a smile on his face and laughed with the others but I could see in his eyes that he wasn't comfortable and he looked sad. Several times I had the urge to go and see him to quietly ask him what was wrong but I didn't want to disappoint Daniel so I did nothing. But his sadness made me unconsciously sad.  
  
This evening, when Harry came up to take the kids, his eyes had lost its sadness, but I still felt bad. I watched him leave, my head against the door frame and oddly, I felt sadder seeing Harry leaving when I was going to see him again in three days than this morning with Daniel. Once inside, I realized that I had to think, I told myself that I really need to think hard of what is going on in my head. I have two months without Daniel, two months to decide the future.

During the first days of the new resolution, everything went as planned, I thought really hard and after careful consideration, I told myself that I will always have an attachment toward Harry and it was for this reason that I felt bad in front of his sadness. In addition, the same evening, when I had Daniel on the phone, the smile that took my face reassured me that he was a good choice.  
  
But when Harry brought the children back a few days later, it all collapsed to the ground. If the way I had to control myself not to smile too much or to not touch him, or how my heart began to pound against my chest is any indications. As usual, we take some time to talk before he was going back to his car but this time I had the terrible urge to invite him in and stay with us, but I did nothing.  
  
That night, on the phone with Daniel, I noticed that this time, even though I was smiling when he was telling me the story of his day, I felt that it was not quite... there. And while I tossed and turned in my bed, trying to sleep, something came to my mind. I miss Harry more than Daniel. The thought tortured me all night. This is probably why, as soon as I had the opportunity, I called Eleanor and offered her to go out for a drink. Being the great friend that she is, she agreed without even asking questions although they we rarely went out for a drink without any occasion.  
  
I invite her in a little busy bar, perfect for the both of us. She made it while I was already on my second glass of wine, she stood by my side, ordered a drink and talk a bit while I was finishing my second glass and ordering the third one. Once there, I felt much calmer. "What is happening then?" she said, having guessed the situation as usual. I took a sip of wine before beginning what would be a difficult conversation. "I miss Harry. I really appreciate Daniel, he's really great... but I'm afraid he will never be enough for me." I was really ashamed of what I was saying, even if it was true, because Daniel should be more than enough for me, he should be perfect for me but... I'm trying to tell myself that I will fall in love with him but in my heart, I feel that it won't ever happen.  
  
"Louis I love you but really, I don't really understand you. I saw you with him, he seems to make you happy, he wants to make you happy. While Harry, sorry to tell you this, but since I know you, never really showed much devotion." She gently grimaced as she knows the subjects on Harry were always sensitiv , even when I was still married to him and I came to work upset of yet another dispute, she was there to support me. And she had always pay attention to what she said about Harry because although we fought, I loved him and I didn't want people to speak shit about him. I knew it was hurting her to say that because it would hurt me but Eleanor didn't know the whole story.  
  
"You know El, the first nine years of our marriage were truly the best years of my life. You know only the last two years, that's why you think Harry has always been a lousy husband but this is not the case, far from it." I said, thinking back nostalgically at all these beautiful years, all those beautiful moments we spent together. My friend looked at me with questioning eyes, it is true that in general, I always told her everything and in two years of friendship, I spent my days telling her what was wrong in my life. And now I feel silly for not telling her how much my husband was great, although we didn't have the ending I imagined. "What happened two years ago Lou?"  
  
I was thinking bitterly about this year that, I now realize, ruined my marriage. Choked with a heavy heart, I decided to recount for the first time my mistake to someone. "Before coming to work in this school, I worked in another institution, a little further and you know I don't get along with anyone unless you at work well... in my old, I really got along with everyone. I never thought I'd leave this school." Eleanor listened attentively, not interrupting me once, she knows me better than that. "One year, a new spanish teacher was transferred in the school and soon we sympathize. To me, our relationship was purely professional, or friendly at most. Apparently, he hadn't the same vision. Soon, he began to hit on me and I don't know why... I let him do it and I even flirt back."  
  
The young woman's eyes opened wide, I know she didn't know me like this, me either for that matter. Since my eighteens, Harry was the only person who caught my eye. "I wasn't interested in him or anything but I don't know... I felt desired, flattered and there was nothing serious, it was just a little innocent game I was absolutely certain that he was aware that I was married. Once again, I was wrong. "Now I know how much I was stupid, I shouldn't have ever play with fire." Everything fell to the ground the day of the drama spring show. Everything went very well, Harry was in the room and at the end of the performance, he came to congratulate me. Except that he saw Pete and I and we were more or less kissing." Even today, I was ashamed to say this, I feel so guilty for what I did. My friend's mouth opened wide and before she could say anything, I went on.  
  
"I don't understand what happened. Like many other, he came up to me to congratulate me but he kissed me! And I was so surprised and shocked that I've got no reaction for a few seconds. Once I was able to think again, I immediately pushed him away but it was already too late, Harry had seen everything. I explained everything to him thousands of times, apologizing to him until I lose my voice, it took me weeks of this routine for him to sleep in the same bed as me again and the only way to regain his trust was to change schools. That is why today I make you crazy everyday." I sent her a soft smile. Telling the whole story was more much harder than I thought.  
  
"Actually..." I said, laughing even though I found nothing of what I said funny. "... I am convinced that Harry never really believed me and so he was never able to forgive me. I'm sure it is because of this that today we are divorced, all this because I was too stupid." I finished my drink in one go before I turn to my friend who looks very sad for me. She came to take my hand silently and stroked it with her small fingers, trying like a mother, to comfort me. "So tell me, how was Harry before all this?"  
  
I smiled, because talking about this stuff was a lot more fun for me, I told her every little things that makes Harry the most perfect guy for a relationship. I told her how much he was attentive, he listened to my every word as the word of a Saint, all the little things he had for me. He could spend hours listening to my boring stories about my students and my colleagues and theater while he, himself had more exciting stories to tell me, he is a fashion journalist after all! But everytime I told him this, he always assured me that he would rather listen to a thousand of my school stories than tell the whims of models. From the beginning, he was the one who had the courage to tell me he loved me, he was never afraid to say everything he had on his heart and over the years he had encouraged me to always tell him what I felt.  
He did everything to make me happy, always toiling more power to make me smile, whether it was the meal lovingly prepared, the gift found in an old hipster shop or amazingly-thinked dates. He was always fair and prepared with the children, he was my pillar in difficult times. While he was the youngest in this relationship, he was the one who took care of me, made sure I was always good.  
  
I am a secretive person who doesn't like to talk about his feelings, who is afraid to show himself to the world. I was a teenager who was afraid, hiding behind humor, who had no ambitions, no dreams. Harry has released it all, he was my everything. Without him, I felt empty. And today it's the same thing...  
  
I finished my narrative voice trembling, smile more difficult. Eleanor hadn't let go of my hand, she looked at me with warmth in her eyes. She gave me time to regain my composure because I was honestly two seconds away from crying, I silently thanked her for that. After a while, she asked me the question that hurts. "So what you're going to do Lou?" She asked the question that had run my head for the last few days, what am I going to do? I'm still thinking about the answer. But I still have no idea.  
  
"Daniel is a great guy, he is attentive, understanding, patient, kind... He is really perfect." I stopped, leaving a huge "but" floating in the air above my head. Eleanor, great friend she is has yet heard it. "But he isn't Harry?" I let the question entered my brain and it's as if all the circuits that walked a hundred miles an hour for several days had stopped. I then began to nod slowly, as it was that, it was the hard and ugly truth. When I finally understood the heavy meaning of all this, the held tears flowed easily.  
  
I was ridiculous. I'm an adult in his thirties crying about his ex in a bar. Fortunately, my friend, almost immediately, took me in her arms and let me expressed my sadness. In other circumstances, I wouldn't let myself go like that, but then I just realized that despite everything I would try, even if I try to rebuild my life, Harry's spectrum will always be near me. And nothing and no one can replace him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)  
> Next chapter, be prepared for magic !


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay ! I can only write on weekend and last weekend, Zayn and the night changes video distracted me. So, sorry again. I know this chapter is short and shitty so I'll do my best to post the next chapter tomorrow :)

I was still in pajamas, hair a mess and eyes half closed on this Saturday morning when the doorbell rang. Footsteps heavy, I went to answer the door. Not even all the way open, I was attacked by light and little monsters pushing me to come in. Once my sight back, I realized that in front of me was Harry, who, unlike me, was dressed and looking at me with a smirk. My biggest girl stood at his side, and when she saw that I was looking at her, she came to take me in her arms before rushing inside. I felt confused. "I'm not supposed to get them back today, am I?" I asked unsure. The man just shook his head and went inside too.  
  
He went to the kitchen and after a small hesitation, I followed him. I understood nothing. When I entered the kitchen, Harry had already removed his heavy coat and had put an apron around his waist. "You haven't had breakfast yet?" he asked me as he was taking all sorts of things out of the cupboards. Surprisingly, while I am living here, he seems to remember where everything is better than me. I shook my head and so he began to prepare breakfast. After staying by the door a few minutes trying to understand the situation, I gave up and go to sit on a stool. A cup of tea was immediately placed in front of me. I thanked gently the brown man before taking a magazine - his magazine to be more precise and it made Harry smiled shyly.  
  
I tried to feign indifference while the boy was was preparing pancakes and eggs but I don't know if I was any convincing. Because all of this is such a familiar scene. If I didn't know better, I would almost think that Harry and I were never divorced and it's a morning like any other. It pinched my heart a little, to tell the truth. After a quarter of an hour, with no noises except for the children upstairs and the silent singing of Harry, he placed a full plate in front of me, I thanked him and started to eat. As I was putting a fork of eggs in my mouth, I noticed Harry looking at me with a small smile. He always does that, he liked to see me eat what he prepared me, it made him proud. And once, it didn't botheried me but there, it is a bit too much for me, I so decided to change the subject. "So Harry, why are you here so early? You didn't come just to prepare me breakfast?"  
  
The boy got up a little of its position, leaning toward me, his elbows on the counter. He took off his apron and come to sit next to me. "I came to see you to ask you something." I begged him to continue while my mouth was filled with delicious pancakes. He took off the apron and sat down next to me. "So, here I was thinking about taking the kids to Disneyland for a weekend." he said with a smile. I analyzed his sentence before correcting. "You mean Disneyworld right?" He had his lower lip between his white teeth as he shook his head. "No, I said Disneyland."  
  
"Wait, you don't mean Disneyland as Disneyland in Paris? In France?" He nodded as my eyes opened wide. "I also thought that for so many flight hours, it would be foolish to stay only two days, so after this weekend, I thought we could spend a week in Paris." I was rather shocked by Harry's idea, I didn't think he could free himself more than a week to go on vacation. "I know it's going to take on a little of your own time with the children, so this is also why I am here this morning..."  
  
I pushed my plate, now empty, raising my face to Harry. I frowned my eyebrows, awaiting the result of his story. "Okay, don't laugh at me." With a small smile, I assured him that I wouldn't say a thing. "When I was little and my parents broke up, the thing I miss the most were the family vacations. So, as I don't want the children to live this, I was wondering if you... would accept to come with us?" Expression frozen I let those words played in my head again and again. And although I found the idea lovely and I had the urge to say yes, because I'm not at all against a trip to Paris with my children, but I can't accept. I can't with Harry when the situation is not simple at all, I can't go in the city of love with my ex, I can't do that to Daniel.  
  
"Harry, I don't think it's a good idea." I tell him feeling sorry. The smile of the curly lad tarnishes and it made me nauseous. The tall man pass his big hands through his hair, sighing softly. Raising his face to me, I noticed clearly the supplication in his eyes or how tired he looked. "Louis, I... Look, when I asked you to marry me, I promised to myself not to make the same mistakes as my parents. We both know that I betrayed my promise today, but I refuse for the children to experience what I experienced younger. So please, accept. For the children." His eyes were huge and shiny and my heart was ready to explode. I knew it was a very bad idea, but I finally accepted, blowing a small "Okay" to Harry who took me in his arms. The way he clung to me or how I wanted to sniff his hair should have persuaded me to cancel. But I did nothing.  
  
The same evening on the phone with Daniel, I didn't have the force to tell him anything. I fell asleep, feeling terribly guilty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)  
> 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as I promise, I update a chapter today, hope you'll like it. I said that this fic wasn't angst well... it kinda is.

My suitcase was much harder to make than I thought. It took me two hours to carefully select each piece of clothing I took with me. It was going this way, I put something in my bag that I thought looked good on me before I asked myself for twenty minutes if I took it for me or because I knew Harry would like it on me. It was very difficult to choose enough clothes without feeling guilty for some reasons. But the hardest moment was when I came to ask myself whether or not I should take lube...  
  
I stood in front of the bottle, wondering if I would need it during the trip. On the one hand, it's not impossible that during this week I would want to touch myself. It is even possible that Daniel call me and so we'll try phone sex... I let this idea go through my head for a while before realizing that I was completely ridiculous. Daniel won't have the opportunity to call me because of time difference and I'm not planning to do anything when my children will sleep right next to me. I soon realize, that the only ideas I had were with Harry. Tired of my behavior and my thoughts, I threw the bottle somewhere in the room and closed my suitcase not to hesitate more.  
  
Then I went into the living room with my belongings and waited in front of the TV waiting for the arrival of Harry and the children. I was extremely stressed out and I don't really know why. It was Harry after all, I knew this man for many years, I know all about him, I should be comfortable. One could almost consider this a holiday with a friend. Except I am well aware that Harry isn't my friend. He is but not in the strict sense, he is just as before, but you're not supposed to kiss friends. I was on the verge of calling to tell him that eventually I wouldn't come when I heard a honk. I got up slowly to the window. I was surprised to see a minibus and a driver instead of Harry but I remembered quickly that we were going to the airport.  
  
I hesitated a few seconds before taking my keys, wondering again if it was a good idea. Finally, I stopped thinking, took my keys and my suitcases in hand before rushing out the door to not go back. I left my suitcase to the driver who greeted me with a tired smile before getting into the car. I found myself, coincidentally, next to Harry, who had a big smile on his face. He quickly asked me how I was, I gently told him, but as I was growing up a smile, I turned to my children, more comfortable to face them. I spent the entire trip, either in the car, at the airport or on the plane, to take care of the children to try to stay a few quiet hours and not succumb to my ex's beautiful eyes.

Twenty minutes before arriving in the magic park, the twins fell asleep, exhausted from the long journey. And as they were not alone and as we felt all tired once in the park, we decided to go directly to the Disneyland Hotel. I was surprised to see that Harry had chosen the Sleeping Beauty suite. I was even more surprised when I saw it. It was a suite with four rooms: a huge living room, very bright with small sofas, a coffee table, a beautiful decorated ceiling and even a terrace. Then on the left, there was a old-fashioned bathroom with a large shower, the room opened into a carpeted room with two twin plum beds. Harry and I, who were carrying in our arms the asleep twins, put the two in one of those little beds. Kathy took out her phone charger and phone and landed on the second bed. This left a place?  
  
The curly man must have noticed my discomfort because he took my wrist, I tensed a little. I turned my head to him and he motioned to me to follow him. We crossed the living room again, Harry grabbed my suitcase. I hadn't noticed the sliding door that when opened, allowed me to discover one more room. A room very Victorian style with a large standing mirror, a large cream armchair and a huge four-poster bed. I walked slowly, my mouth open in this room. "I'll sleep with Kathy, I leave you the sleeping beauty's room." I turned to him to see him put my suitcase on the floor. I walked towards him and began to protest, reminding him that he was the one who was paying for the hotel and so he d eserves this room. The big brown man interrupted me with his little smile. "Louis, it doesn't bother me. I'm glad  for you to sleep here." There was so much kindness and goodness in his face that I couldn't help but take him in my arms. I hid my smile in his chest and when he closed his arms around me, it seemed so easy, so familiar. I let the good sensation last a few more seconds before detaching myself from him.  
  
My cheeks were red when I thanked him. "Anyway, rest well, I think tomorrow will be a busy day." He smiled at me tenderly and hesitated long second before leaving the room. When the sliding door closed, I threw myself on the bed, enjoying the softness of the blankets and the comfort of the mattress.

The comfort of the room didn't prevented me from having an insomnia. Though I turn around in all directions, trying every position, put me over or under the duvet, sleep didn't come. After a while, I decided to get up. I was dragging my feet on the colored carpet, directing me to the children's room. I put the blanket over Shane who always found a way to discover himself and pushed Kalcey's brown hair away from her face. When I turned to the other bed, I restrain myself from laughing at the phone my daughter was still holding in her hand, I took it gently, knowing that it could wake her up. Then I saw Harry, or at least his back. I shouldn't have, but I still went around the bed to see his face.  
  
I kneeled by the bed to be at his level. He snored softly and some of his curls were hiding his face, with hesitation, I ran my hand through his hair to push them back. Touching his hair again after all this time hurt my heart. Heart heavy, I looked at his calm and sleepy face. He was really beautiful even though he was a bit pale and I had the urge to lift the heavy blanket and lay at his side. But I did nothing, I just looked at him, from time to time passing my hand in his hair. When all this became too painful, I got up and went back to my room. I fell asleep with a sad heart.

I was awakened by shrill cries. I got up in a hurry and rushed out of my room. I stopped in my tracks when I saw my twins jumping around the room, a huge smile on their faces, they understood where they were. I let them shout of joy, a smile on my face. I lost my smile when I saw Harry entering the living room, still looking asleep and half naked. His body hadn't changed much since the last time I saw him, but what has changed is that I haven't had the opportunity to touch it for a long time and it's tempting. When the children came dancing in his legs, screaming that were were in Disney, Harry smiled with all his teeth and began to jump with the children. I could hardly contain my laughter. When Harry saw me, he sent me a wink, which made me blush.  
  
Fortunately for me, my biggest girl saved me once again. She arrived in the salon, hair disheveled and flustered. She cried in turn, but it was to everyone's shouting. When Shane stuck out his tongue, she hounded him screaming and I thought that was it. That was a true family vacation.  
  
Anyway, after that we all had a well deserved shower and had breakfast at Fantasia Coffee, we went on an adventure in the park. And I am glad I took my vans with me, because I think I haven't walk that much since a long time. We were crossing along the park, stopping to queue for attractions and I very kindly offered to do the roller coasters with Kathy. We were chasing tirelessly every Disney character, taking a group photo with Mickey, hence hunting for princesses and squandering fortunes in balloons and ice cream and souvenirs of the park. When was the time for the parade, I was on the verge of pulling my ears out to stop hearing the very cacthy song of the park.  
  
My youngest daughter was getting tired and had found a way to be in Harry's arms. Kathy and Shane walked hand in hand a little ahead of us and I was walking next to my ex. Our proximity made that our hands didn't stop brushing and I crave to link our fingers. Not to succumb and regret it later, I wrapped my arms around me. After about fifteen minutes to wait between tired or excited children and annoyed parents, the parade began. As we were a little behind, Harry and I had put each twin on our shoulders while Kathy was on her phone, apparently giving absolutely no fuck in the Disney princesses. The two smaller seemed, absolutely delighted. Even the Harry looked extremely captivated contrary to me that, because I am too small, didn't see anything. But that doesn't matter, my family is happy.

 

After the parade, we decided to go back to the hotel,  as we were tired and everyone were complaining of sore feet. After giving a  really stormy bath to the twins, I suggested that we ordered something to eat in the room and stayed in front of Netflix. All slumped in the lounge in front of homemade burgers, we decided to be living in a cliché and watch a Disney movie. Unanimously, Frozen was chosen. Unfortunately, half of the film in, the twins were asleep and Kathy had long since have fled the room. We put the children to bed and by mutual agreement, we went to my room. The conversation was relatively easy.  
  
When midnight showed up, we ordered a bottle of wine and at two in the morning, we were talking in whispers. Reminiscing funny memories, things we did together, the first time we had to change a diaper, nice things like that. But once the bottle was empty, it is as if a button was pushed. The conversation was more sedate, calmer, more private. We no longer talked about our past relationship as two friends could do but as two people who have been married. Our travels, our dates, our first times. When silence returned and I thought of going to sleep, I heard the sweet voice of Harry brought me back to reality.  
  
"I must confess, that I never thought that we could one day, broke up." There was so much sincerity in his voice and I felt his heavy look on my face, but I refused to open my eyes. Because if I opened them, I'll cry. I nodded my head to make him understand that I wasn't sleeping and that I understood what he was saying. It may be stupid, but my only answer was: "What can we do now? It is what it is." I received no answer, just a heavy, long silence. Then after a moment, I heard Harry moved, got up from the bed, his feet on the ground, the door open and close. And he was gone and then I let myself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)  
> Also if there's any mistakes about Disneyland, it's not my fault, I've been only once there.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I'm skipping school today, here's a new chapter. If you're sensible, this chapter may be sad.

The next day of this rough night where sleep took me away really late, the atmosphere was much less relaxed. Even though the kids were still as thrilled to the idea of spending another day in the park. After breakfast, where Harry didn't say a word, we spend our morning in the park, doing other attractions and buying more and more outrageously expensive things. After a quick lunch, we all decided to go visit the Walt Disney Studio Park. Only then, Harry talked to me again and it reassured me. I don't want to ruin the holidays.

The evening, when time at come to do our luggages and to leave the park, these tasks were difficult. The twins, learning the bad news, did a scandal. Kalcey crying loudly and begging for us to stay a bit longer, Shane stomping the ground angrily and clinging himself to the furnitures and Kathy rolling her eyes at everything. Not surprising that we had to use force to take them out of the room. I was red of shame when leaving the hotel and everyone was looking at us because our kids were yelling. Once inside the car, I was still sad for my kids who, in addition to be exhausted with all their crying, were now scolded by their father. Fortunately for all of us, soon enough the two kids were good again when seeing all the beautiful Paris' lights.

We stopped in a hotel just in front of the Eiffel Tower named the Shangri-La, a beautiful very luxurious place where I felt dumb coming in because I was really dressed like a tourist. The hostess, couldn't restrain herself to look at all of us as if she was wondering what we were doing here. Her judgement stop real quick when Harry took a room. Or more like two suits, next to one another. Two suits with terraces giving an incredible view of the Eiffel Tower. When the young blond lady announced, in her strong french accent, that it would be €1.400 per day, I thought I had a stroke. Even before I could propose to Harry to go to a cheaper hotel, because honestly we'll stay there only for the nights, the man had already took out his checkbook and I thought I've died.

After taking our luggages, two young men bring us merrily to our rooms. They opened one of the door and my kids throw themselves in it, yelling already. As Harry was about to go in, I went into his way. "What?" he asked me softly. "You paid a exorbitant price for these rooms." I answered on the same tone. The tall brown guy was looking at me as if I was stupid. "So what?"

"So, there's no way that you're leaving me the single room. I'll sleep with the children and you, you take the single room." I saw that he was going to open his mouth to convince otherwise but I interrupted him. "No Harry, I already feel like shit for not paying anything in this excessively expensive holliday, so please, sleep in that room." I looked at him with begging eyes, after a long moment of just looking at me in the eyes, he simply sighs and nod his head. I thanked slowly and come into the room. The view of the Eiffel Tower was truly breath-taking. 

The next days passed by quickly. Our days consisted of playing the tourists. We hurried to visit everything, of course, first we went to the Eiffel Tower where we stayed an hour admiring Paris. I think it was the only moment of enjoyment for my kids because after this monument, I only heard things like "I'm bored" and some "are we done?" Or even some "I'm hungry." But there were the moment I, personally, have appreciated the most. The Champs-Élysées, the Louvre, Notre-Dame, la passerelle des Arts, la place des Abbesses, etc... I love everything, it really is a wonderful city even if people are a bit rude, but I'll forgive them. On the fifth day and for my children's health who had enough of walking and visiting, we decided with Harry that it'll be good to leave the capital and to go to the country a bit.

After two small hours in a train, we were passing from a loud and crowded city to a calm and peaceful country. We have chosen to stay in Champagne-Ardenne, a region close to Paris which will allow us to come back to take the plane easily.

Once again and despite my strong disapprobation, Harry saw really big and rented a chalet too spacious and luxurious for the small time we'll stay. But I saw the happiness on my children's face who could play outside again and run around as much as they wanted. At least, my ex succeeded in making everyone happy for the holidays.

I have to admit that to me as well, this wooden house did me good. With its warm and cosy atmosphere, I had the impression to be just like home. And I could finally rest after this week of running in all direction to see everything. I spent my time enjoying the sweet climate of this country, tanning and having the best time before coming back to California. The more the time was flying, the more I didn't wanted to go back.

The last night before going back to Paris, I came down to the living room illuminated only by the fire of the chimney, which gave an orange glow to the room. It was still very hot outside, even the night, it was so unnecessary to lit one but it always give an atmosphere to a room. Entering the rrom, I saw Harry sitting at the giant grand piano, a glass of wine on the top. He let's his finger amble around the piano keys, not making any real music, I don't think he really wanted to play. I approached him quietly, I filled up his glass and put it to my lips.

 

The curly man was looking at me with a little smile. The piano really was a beautiful think and it reminds me that I haven't played in a long time. In fact, the last time I tried to, Harry came and I quickly pass from playing the piano to being fucked on the piano. I shuddered at the memory. I so sit next to my ex and began to play softly a melody I learned a long time ago. I felt the heavy and intense look of the man next to me on my face. Like the last time, I refused to turn my head. "I never wanted to divorce." My fingers tensed on the keys, a loud and dull sound filled the room. After relaxing my hands, I turned my head toward Harry. "What?" I said, voice extremely weak. Harry was looking at me with big sorry eyes.

"I never wanted to divorce Louis". A pause, I said nothing. "I juste felt that... you and I we were growing apart everyday and I saw that you began to stop caring. So I was stupid enough to believe that if I called a lawyer, it would make you react again. That you won't let us go. But you didn't react... and I understand that you, you wanted to divorce. So I let you go." Another pause where Harry tried to compose himself, breathing out not to cry. Myself I felt the tears come up. "You know when I see you with Daniel, I understand why you didn't say anything. And I really want to be happy for you, I promise, but it's... so fucking hard! To see you with another man and not being able to say anything, it kills me Louis..."

I stood up quickly, hitting myself hard on the piano on the way, but I wasn't feeling it. The pain in me was bigger. The tears were now falling and I couldn't hold them back. Harry turned around and wasw looking at me with shiny eyes. He stood up as well but I gestured to him to stay where he was. I was trying to calm my beating heart and my head which was yelling so many thinks to me. "Why are you telling me this Harry?" I asked, voice barely louder than a whisper. "Because I'm still in love with you." I cried again, louder and I felt angry now, I catch the nearest thing to me (fortunately for me, it was only a book) and throw it to him, he avoid it easily. "Why are you telling me this now, shit?! Why?! Is this the reason for this journey?! It was only for that huh?!" I was yelling now and if I was controlling myself a bit, I could tone it down for the kids but I am not controlling myself.

"No, no. It wasn't at all for this Lou. But it's maybe my only chance. Our only chance." His voice was shivering and his eyes were shining from tears which wouldn't fall. "Our only chance for what? To get back together?" Harry's face revealed that, indeed, it was what he meant. "But... Fuck Harry! I have a boyfriend who is crazy in love with me and you just... you just-" I couldn't finish my sentence, I was stopped by the extremely sad look of my ex. He looked distraught. "What?" I asked now oddly calm. "Are you in love with him? His voice was broken and flickering. For a second, I wanted to answer him yes, it would broke his heart but at least he would be fixed. But, just like before I couldn't lie to Harry. I shook mt head. "Could you fall in love with him?" I thought about it for long but once again, the answer came almost by itself. "Probably not." I cried again, the reality hitting me. I am with a man that I won't love ever and my ex husband is still in love with me.

Quickly, I felt the curly's body against mine and his arms around me, he was whispering to me that everyhting would be okay. "I am here Lou, we'll get through this." He cas stroking my back softly and his voice was full of hopes, as if he was thinking that my breakdown was the answer he was waiting for. When he began to kiss my face, I calmed down a bit, reassured by this familiarity. But, when I felt his lips getting closer to mine, I pushed him away. Opening my eyes again, I saw the surprise and the hurt on his face. "Lou?"

"Harry, even though it'll be difficult, I still want to believe that I can fall in love with Daniel." The tears he was holding back for all this times finally fell and he's trying to talk but I got off his embrace, apologising and went back up to my room quickly. Leaving behind me my ex husband in tears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)  
> 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So before everything, after reading some really constructive comments of some of you, I saw that you didn't understand and/or like Louis' behaviour. I'd just like to say that after a really long marriage, divorce can be really hard on someone as hurt as Louis. I know that he kind of "cheated" on Harry and some of you think he's using Harry and Daniel right now but to me, it was natural for him to have that kind of reaction. He's using Daniel because he needs someone who love him and he's sure won't leave him and he's scarred of his past with Harry so he doesn't want to make the same mistakes again. Voilà :)
> 
> Little anecdote : As I said, after a divorce or a break-up, people can have crazy reaction. One of my dad ex-girlfriend after they broke up became, I don't really know how, a sex addict.

As the month of November was only beginning, I was sadder than ever. I don't know if it's because the weather is getting colder or because classes are getting or my nerves or even because I'm still not in love with Daniel. Yet, believe me, I'm trying ! Since he came back, I'm trying with all my heart. He didn't change though, he's still as attentive and perfect as before and I'm really trying to fall for him, I'm trying to let me go because I know he's all I need.

I'd like to be in love with him. Be able one day to make appaer this flame in his eyes when I'll tell him those three words he's so waiting for. But I simply cannot do it yet, because I'm not feeling this crazy feeling in my belly which will make me go crazy for him and will make me shout to the world that I love him. But I can't, because it will be lying to him and he doesn't deserve that. He doesn't even deserve to be with me. He should be with someone who will share his love and will remind him every day. If I was a bit more brave, I'll let him go because he deserves better than this. But he is for the moment, the only thing who keep my head out of the water. Because I have the impression to be drown in my own feelings. I'm lost.

Between Daniel who never hurt me and won't ever do it and Harry who hurt me so much... But yet, I feel that I'm still in love with Harry. And I feel ashame for it, but it is what it is. I always thought he was the man of my life and I still have this impression. But if we have divorced, it's for precise reasons which were never solved and I'm scared that, even if we get back together, our former problems will stop up from being happy.

So I'm moping in my unhapiness while hoping that everything will get better and that my mind leaves me alone.

If going to get the kids was hard before, now it's real torture. Everytime I dread the face to face with Harry because I hate to see his tired and sad look and his monotone voice. I hate having to make conversation with him while the children are getting ready and seeing that we are uneasy. I hate when he's smiling and trying to laugh because I see how fake and forced it is. I hate seeing his look strained on me longingly with a look of sadness and wants. I hate when we have to say goodbye because everytime, it feels like I'm rejecting him again.

I'm not the only noticing those little things, kids have too. I didn't know what to answer when Kathy asked me "what the hell happened during this trip in Paris." And I really thought I was going to cry when Shane aked me why Papa's smile wasn't as big as before. I think Daniel noticed a change as well in my behaviour. He knows I went to Paris with Harry and the kids, I had to told him, but I couldn't tell him what happened the last night. But I'm sure he's doubting something because even though I'm trying to watch myself, sometime I let myself go in my heartache and everything can be read on my face. He saw me already and asked me what was wrong with me, I lied to him and we were done but my ache doesn't go away.

Once again, I was back from Harry's after dropping the kids, heart empty and tears ready to fall. Before climbing the stairs and joining Daniel, I took some time to calm my feelings. I was trying to delete of my memory the small voice Harry had when greeting me, or the dark circles even more pronounced than last time on his face or the way his finger flutter when I gave him the children's stuff and our fingers grazed. After letting a single tear fall, I went out the car and climbed the stairs laboriously to my flat.

When coming in, I was surprised to be welcomed with silence. Usually when I go home, I always hear the sound of the tv or the radio or Daniel singing in the shower or talking on the phone. Usually, I would have smelled lots of scent coming from the kitchen wich will inform me that Daniel had prepare diner. But today, nothing. Silence and the simple odor of Kathy's vanilla-parfumed candles that she insisted to buy because she found that it will give some "life to this flat." I headed to the kitchen curiously where he light was on.

On the doorstep of the kitchen, I saw Daniel sat on a high bar stool, staring into space and looking all fragile. "Daniel?" I asked, voice worried. The boy looked up to me and when he saw me, a sad smile settled on his face. I didn't understand what was happening. I came a little more in the room, I approached him slowly, wanting to understand what was happening but from the corner of my eye, I saw something.  
  
In the few months that Daniel has practically lived here, his stuff had started to accumulate at home. Yet I didn't think it would fill two suitcases. Because yes, this is what I am seeing right now, his things, his bags. He is leaving. I turned back to look at him, tight throat. He already had tears in his eyes. He's leaving me. "You- Where are you going?" I asked him stupidly. I knew exactly where he was going and what was going on, I just didn't want in reality to see the truth. This question seemed to completely broke the young man who let out a deep and moved sigh. As he said nothing, and I understood very well that I had lost him, I went to sit beside him. "You're leaving me, right?" My voice was low and resolved.  
  
Daniel gently nodded and I saw the first tears falling down his cheeks. I, too, felt the tears rising. "I know something very important happened in Paris even if you refuse to tell me anything. All I know is that since you came back, I can't make you happy." He stopped there because his tears prevented him from continuing. He paused for a few long seconds before going on. "I am not happy either Louis and I'm trying to fix things.... But I know very well that I can't fix things 'cause- you don't love me. And you never will." I tried to tell him no, that it wasn't true, that I could fall in love with him, because I was trying, because I wanted to. But he interrupted me, he shook his head, he gently took my hand and heavily hanging onto it, my first tears fall.  
  
"You will never love me Louis. I know, I got resolved. I also know that you're still in love with Harry and I must admit that at first it hurt me and- I 'I was angry. But I ended up coming to the evidence that Harry was and always will be the man of your life. I cannot compete." He stopped again and I raised my face to realize that despite his tears, he was smiling softly, his hand still holding mine. "And well, although I am sad at the moment because I, I love you Louis... I know that I will find the right person for me. I realized that you aren't this person and I am not this person for you." He squeezed my hand one last time in his before getting up, putting his jacket on and going get his things.  
  
I watched him and I felt empty. I saw him take his suitcases in hand and headed towards the entrance. Before leaving the kitchen, he turned to me and whispered me a hard "goodbye." I don't know why, but it made me react, I stood up and threw myself on him, clinging to his back and whispering to him again and again not to leave me, that I needed him. The brown man turned around and faced me, gently stroking my wet cheek with his thumb before putting his lips gently on mine. It was just that, a chaste, full of love and gentle kiss on my lips that sounded too much like a goodbye. He pulled back a little to look me in the eyes and whispered tenderly. "It's not me you need baby, it's Harry."  
  
He watched my face one last time with a small smile before resuming his bags and leaving me without looking back. When I heard the front door close behind him, I let myself slide to the floor and finally let me cry like I wanted. I felt lost and very alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)  
> Oh, one last thing, sorry. Someone asked if after this, they'll be a sequel, I'm sorry to tell you all that no. There robably won't be a sequel because I don't have loads of free time to write and I have so many other ideas that I would like to share with you guys, so I prefer to give my time for them. But really thank you for all the good reaction for this fic guys, love you all :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry guys, I should have updated a long time ago but it was the two last weeks before the holliday and I had a lot of works. 
> 
> But don't worry, I have finished this fanfic in french and I just have to translate it so you will have the two last chapters real quick.

Strangely, this break-up done me more good than bad. Certainly, the first time were hard. I had to learn again to wake up alone in a bed, to be alone when the kids are at their father's. I still had gotten used to being with him and here he is already gone. I haven't saw him once since we split up so a month now. He had well done his suitcases since he hadn't come back to get one thing. I'll be lying if I said that I didn't miss him because even though I wasn't in love, I still had affection and attraction for the young man.  
  
I think it's a good thing he didn't came back because the twins would have took it badly. They were understanding to the divorce because they knew they would see their father again but when I told them they probably won't see Daniel ever again... It was an oddly tragic scene. Once again, I felt bad for putting my kids through this. But once the sadness gone, life resumed its pace and I was calmer and happier.   
  
  


My break-up's sadness was soon gone thanks to my job. Christmas and the holliday show coming, I spend most of my time working on the play. This play helped me putting the pieces of my life back together. And for the first time in months, I felt in control of my life and it was the most beautiful feeling I felt in this year. It's like all the things that happened to me in those last twelve month was just tests to help me get back up.  
  
Tonight, it was the representation of the play. I was extremely stressed out, the work of several months lie on this representation. My pupils were just as stressed. The theatre was full, the sound of conversations behind the curtain made them deaf and stopped them from focusing. Even tough I was anxious too, I took back the rains of this group and did a speech worth a movie, getting their moral back and preparing them to play.   
  
I stayed by the stage all along the play, making sure everything was going as planned and that the audience reacted well. I got more than what I was expecting, the audiience was extremely reactive and I saw that it encouraged my pupils to give even more of themselves. When the last line was said and the curtain went down, a rain of applause began. The teens stand on the front of the stage and bowed down. Eleanor dragged me to the staged and we bowed down as well. Every play is always magic when we get reactions like these, we always have trouble believing it.   
  
After the play, it was time for the actors to meet the public. Once again, I was welcomed with encouraging words and excellent critics, I couldn't stop smiling. I was really happy to see that my pupils too seems to be in heaven. Soon, people began to leave the theatre and I decided to go back in the dressing rooms for a few minutes to call the baby-sitter. Eleanor was already there and took me in her arms when I came in, I couldn't help laughing. "Lou, I am so happy to see you like that ! I was scared that this break-up would be too much but when I see you today..." She didn't finish her sentence and for a seconde, I thought she would cry.  
  
She breathed in deeply before laughing at herself and taking my hands. I tightened my hands around hers, I was so luck to have her as a friend.  
  
"You know what ?" she told me. "I think it would be a good idea to go and celebrate the success of this play by having a drink. You, Max and I." I was already feeling that I would third wheeling but I couldn't refuse a drink with my best friend. She went to get our things while I was phoning the baby-sitter. As I was apologising to the young lady because I would come home later, I heard the door being opened. I raised my eyes to see Eleanor in the mirror and make her understand that I was ready. But it wasn't Eleanor. In the mirror, elegantly-dressed and with a big smile, I saw Harry. I ended the telephonic conversation and turn around to the man who had just closed the door behind himself. For a small moment, I didn't know what to say so I stayed here without talking.  
  
"What are you doing here?" I asked surprised. The brown-haired guy's smile didn't falter and I wondered what I was missing. "I came to see your play Louis, I really like. It was so great!" His eyes were shining and his smile was still there, he looked so proud. It was hard for me to believe, because the last time he came to see one of my plays, you know what happened. I can't believe he overtake this bad memory. "Anyway, I would like to invite you for a drink. To celebrate." I still couldn't open my mouth and when I tried, only a small laugh came out.  
  
The door opened and Eleanor came in with my jacket in her arms. She stopped when she saw Harry, looking between us two. Finally, she seemed like she understood what was happening, more easily than me. She walked to me, gave me my jacket and took me in her arms, before letting go of me, she whispered in my ear: "Take the good decision."  
  
She turned around and left the room. For a moment, it was silent. Harry and I were watching each other attentively and smiling softly until I broke the silence. "Let's go then."

In a small bar not far from the school, Harry and I were sit next to each other, drinking quietly a beer and eating nachos. Our discussion wasn't rich, we were talking about everything and anything. Don't forget that our last real chat was before the incident in France. When the chat went to a stop, I stared very openly at Harry who probably noticed it because his smile deepen. I thanked him for coming. "Honestly it's a pleasure... I had lots of fun. It was very funny." I thanked him again shyly while trying to hide my growing smile behind my beer. "I was surprised not to meet Daniel tough. He couldn't come?"  
  
I turned my eyes to Harry who was eating carelessly. Apparently, he has no idea about my break-up with Daniel. Hard to believe that my children haven't told him but if he didn't ask, it's possible he doesn't know. "Uh... no. Daniel left me. Like a month ago." The man's eyes turned immediately to me, surprised. So he had really no idea.   
"Why?" He genuily seems interested but not even a tad bit sad, it's understandable. "I... I couldn't fall in love with him. He understood that and he left." At the end of my, tiny, explanation, I glimpse the beginning of a smile, which he tried to hide.  
  
"I'm sorry Louis." he told me. I snorted. "No you aren't." We both had big smiles or our faces. Harry was looking at me sideways, and I felt all squishy inside. Like the first time we met and he was looking at me this way, thinking he was discreet. And I then understand that it will always be the same with Harry. No matter how many time we split up, we argue, we'll hurt each other. In the end, my feelings for him will be always the same. I can't fight it. And to say that it took me all this time to understand it, I really am the king of the jerks.  
  
"Lou? Something's wrong?" I was back to reality, I looked up to Harry and I realize that my eyes were wet. I wipe them quickly, feeling ridiculous, I apologised. "What is going on?" I was looking my ex-husband in the eys and find in them the colour that always reassured me through the year. I laughed anxiously before answering: "I just realised that I was a huge asshole." Harry's face became comical, he probably wasn't waiting for this answer, his face made me laugh. "Why are you saying this?" His voice was calm and soothing and I wanted to roll in it. I looked him straight in the eyes, a small smile at the corner of my lips. "Because I'm still ridiculously in love with you. And I will be probably all my life. I already knew that a month ago but still, I push you away. And I hate myself for that."  
  
I lowered my eyes because I felt my vision turning blurred because of the tears that wanted to fall. I did my best to restrain them. I felt a big hand slip into my hand and despite my eyes full of tears, a small smile appear on my face. I squeezed my hand and look up to Harry. He was... He was looking at me like before and I felt my heart doing a back somersault in my chest because I'm at the same time sad and extremely happy. "Don't hate yourself. The most important is that today we're together. And I won't ever let you go again." The smile on my face was so big, I probably was ridiculous. I whipped my eyes while crying and got up off my stool to be near Harr, him and I were too far away from each other. I came to stay betweens his long legs and snuggle up against him, as close as possible.  
  
I missed all of this so terribly, his skin, his protection, his smell, his curls. I wanted everything back, but I didn't dare to touch right away, not knowing if I could. "I'm sorry Harry, I've been so stupid." I whispered to him. He asked me softly to stop talking before putting his hands on each side of my face. His forehead against mine, I could feel his breathing against my lips and I was waiting for only a think, that he closed the distance between us. "I love you." I heard him say. I was going to answer but I was interrupt by his lips against mine. It was like somebody set me on fire, nothing was counting except kissing him back. I was trying to make him understand through this kiss how much I loved him. My lips were telling him that he was the man of my life. It was a feeling so familiar but at the same time, it never stops from being so new. I was sucking on his pink lip and was discovering his mouth like it was the first time.  
  
When his hand came to rest on my hips and that there was no space between us, we've been stopped. We separate to see the barman who was looking uncomfortable, he cleared his throat before asking if we wanted to order something else. "No, we will go home instead." After this last word, I stopped caring. Harry was going home with me. I was going to sleep next to him. I won't be alone anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)  
> Tell me what you think, this is important for me to know if you like what I write :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay ! Crazy timing !  
> When I wrote the plan of this fic (because yes I always write the plans before even starting to write) I never thought this chapter would end up being written so close to Christmas. So anyway here is the second to last chapter, the last one will be way shorter (it's just an epilogue after all). 
> 
> And sorry for the very bad written smut, I'm not good at that. I even had to re-write it completely from the original one, because french smut have to be way way WAY softer. I've done my best, there is probably lots of mistakes but I hope you'll enjoy

It is a tradition for our family to meet every year at Harry's mom's for Christmas and New Year. And it's not only us. Every person named Styles or Tomlinson take the road for Oregon, direction the Styles' house. This year wasn't different.  So, here we are all packed in the car, going silently to Oregon. It's silent now, but it won't last. For now, the kids are still asleep seeing that we left at a incredibly morning hour to be sure to arrive at Anne and Robin's before diner.  
  
The twins are in their car seats, deeply asleep and Kathy is on the same road, earphones on. Harry and I were taking advantages of the calmness to chat softly, listening to the radio and simply enjoying each other's presence. I found back Harry's protective and possessive hand on my thigh and it was fucking great. Since our... To be honest I don't really know how to call but what is sure is that him and I, we are back together and I wouldn't want it any other way. Anyway, since that day, Harry and I had began to see each other more often, hiding it away from the children for now. I don't know yet what will be their reactions when we'll tell them. They'll probably abandon us, being annoyed with their fathers.  
  
At noon, we stopped to eat something. I knew that after that, the trip would be a bit harder because the twins would be full of energy and untenable in the car and Kathy would be, as always, fed up with her family.  I was right, not even sit in the car, the children were already screaming and when they weren't, they were bickering and when they weren't, they were bothering their bigger sister. A living hell!  
  
However, as I was shouting loudly to try and calm everyone, I saw that the curly man was smiling. "Why are you smiling?" I asked him, smile suspicious. He looked at me quickly, smiling with all his teeth before taking my hand, which make me still smile like an idiot. "I'm smiling, because this..." He said as he was showing off all the car. "... this is my family. And I missed it so much." He brought my hand to his mouth and left a small kiss on it, which made me blush. I looked back to the back of the car, observing Shane and Kalcey trying to fight while bound to their seats and yelling stupidities and Kathy who was trying to turn the volume of her music even louder as she was rolling her eyes. A small smile plastered my face because I was understand what Harry meant. This is our family. Our kids, our babies. And even though right now, they're terrible and I will probably have a headache in the evening, I won't change them for the world.  
  
I tuned my head to Harry and watch him as well. Eyes concentrated on the road, humming softly to the radio, smile discreet on his face. This is when I see him like this that I regret every nasty things that I can have said because in this moment, I realise all he is. A father, a lover, a best-friend, a husband. My soulmate. The man turned his had toward me and I must have the most fond face on earth because his smile deepen. I mouthed to him that I loved him and his smile grew even bigger. The rest of the trip went in the same loud dynamic and yet, it didn't bother me because I was with the four people I love the most on earth.

After a car trip of approximately twelve hours, we finally arrived at the Styles' house. Seeing the number of cars already there, we must be in the last arrived. Just parked, the twins were already outside the car and were running to the house with Kathy following them and yelling on them for stealing her earphones. I sighed because I felt like it was going to be a long week. I decompressed a bit when I felt Harry's arms around me and his lips against my neck. "Relax baby, you don't have to worry about the kids, I bet you our mums will monopolize them all week." This is pure truth. Everytime we visited our mothers, we were children-free and this week, I will take full advantage of it.  
  
After taking our things out of the car, we went to the house. It was already full of our families. We stopped every two seconds to greet an aunt, a cousin, an acquaintance... When we found our children again, they were surrounded by their grand-mothers and a dozen of other people who were taking care of them. When our mothers saw us, they both rushed to me. They took me in their arms and I was looking at Harry with surprise but he was only slightly laughing. Quickly, I understood that the two women were trying to comfort me for my break-up with Daniel. It reminds me that I should call my mother more often, because they're a bit late. "I'm sorry it didn't work Lou." Anne told me softly and I'm still so surprised sometime of how much love she gives me even though I divorced her son, she's still worry avout me, like I was her own son. "How do you feel my Boo?" asked my mother.  
  
Instinctively, my eyes went for Harry and what I saw make my heart melt. The man was talking with Gemma as he was holding her newborn in his arms. My answer didn't need more reflection. "I'm good mom." As if he knew I was watching him, Harry turned his head toward me and when he saw me, he winked at me. "I'm really good."

I was hearing the twins playing in the garden with their cousins through Harry's room window. His childhood bedroom to be more precise. Anne absolutely wanted to keep it this way, identical. And knowing this room from when Harry was sleeping in it, she did a scrupulous job. His teenager double bed with stickers on the head of the bed, the posters on the walls and his books hadn't move. And exactly like when we were teenagers, here we are on the bed, kissing till someone would come interrupt us. Like he had guessed it, we didn't have to care for the children because our mothers were enjoying doing it for us. We took benefit of this to spend more time together, recover some intimacy we never lose.  
  
But, our wish to keep our relationship a secret failed real quick because not even an hour after we arrived, I think everyone knew. My mother raised one her famous eyebrow when she saw Harry's hand on my back to guide me. Anne laughed when she saw that I was about to take Harry's hand. We got loads of those laughs or looks which meant "saw what you did there." Even more explicit, in the evening at diner, Kalcey came to sit on my laps and asked us if we were in love again. With a big smile, Harry had nodded and my little girl cried in my arms. Apparently, this plus the trip was too much for a five-years-old girl.  
  
Anyway, we gave up on our secret relationship. Between two kisses, I began to caress Harry's curly hair and his head was resting in my neck. "What is going to happen when we'll be back to California?." My hand stopped, I was thinking. The silence must have been too long because he looked up to watch me. I caressed his jaw with my thumb. "You and I, we're together right?" Harry nodded slowly. "So what is going to happen is that you're gonna pack your things and come home. Because the only place you belong to is with the children and me." The man against me was smiling again brightly and he jumped on my lips.

Christmas Eve. For the adults, it's just an excuse to eat way too much and drink not reasonably, but for the children, it's a real wonderful event. Personally, I found a bit of magic in Christmas when I had kids, because they're so full of joy that it contaminates you. This year isn't different, the kids are over excited with the idea that Santa will bring them present during the night.  
  
For now, they settle for having fun while hoping that the old man dress in red will come sooner. And the adults eat, dance, drink, party. Harry and I are doing the same, having absolutely giving up on being discreet, I'm currently sat on the curl lad's laps, watching our kids while Harry is chatting with one of his uncle. After the meal, extremely fat and full, the night went quickly by and soon the kids were put to bed with the promise that tomorrow, presents would be waiting for them under the tree. Around two in the morning, adults went to bed as well and as I was heading for Harry's childhood bedroom where we were sleeping, he took my hand and took me out in the garden.  
  
"Harry? What's going on?" The man didn't answer, he just lead me to the back of the huge domain. Well back, hide behind pines, an old barn half abandoned which was used in the past but now, Anne didn't see any use to it. I remember that back then, we went there with Harry when we wanted to drink or smoke. The man opened the door and we went it, it was really dark, he closed the door behind us and I couldn't see a thing. "Harry? What are you playi..." Before I could finish my sentence, he had turn on the lights. Before my eyes, what I remember of a dirty and dull barn was now with tons of lights, garlands and lanterns. The floor had been cleared and washed and blankets and cushions lined the floor, all this lit by all those lights gave such a romantic atmosphere that I lost my words.  
  
I felt my companion's arm and his warmth enclose me. "Do you like it?" He whispered to me in my hear. I couldn't answer, all this was so unreal. "How... how did you manage to do all this without me noticing?" I heard him chuckle in my ear and he stands then in front of me, kissing me quickly on the mouth. "You wake up way later than me babe. And, Robin was really happy to help me." His smile take up all his face and I wondered what I had done in another life to deserve a man like him. I did the only thing I was capable of at the moment: kiss him. I threw myself on his beautiful pink lips and stayed close to him as if it was our last day together.  
  
While I was trying to take off his shirt, he pushed me away gently. "What's wrong?" I asked surprised. I noticed that the man's eyes were darker and that his hands were tensed on my hips, so he wanted me. "Lou, I have something planned before. He bite his lip and I wanted to kiss him again but I let him lead me to a small table. On it there were two champagne flute as well as champagne (duh!) and some papers. Harry poured us up both a flute and as we began to drink, he handed me the papers. I took them with questions, wondering what was that. Harry must have read the incomprehension on my face because soon, he was talking again. "What you're holding Lou, is the formalization of my collaboration with Liam Payne for the magazine direction."     
I watched those papers more closely but I didn't understood more, it was lot of juridical blabla. "Harry, I'm not sure I understand." The man took back the papers to put them back down and grab me by the hips. "I know my mistakes Louis and working too hard was one of them. I don't want to fuck up this time, so with this collaboration, I'll work less because I'll have less responsibilities. I'll have more free time for you and the kids. Moreover, Liam need this wage increase, he wants a baby you know." Surprised, I release a small scream before grinning like a mad man. All I've heard made me so fucking happy.  
  
"It's great Harry! Fuck I love you!" I told him, taking refuge in his arms. "Do you really think Zayn is ready for a baby tough?"  
  
"I think so but... How do you know Zayn?" He asked me, letting go of me a bit to watched me in the eyes. Only then, I remembered why I knew Zayn and I already knew that the answer won't please Harry. "I... like. I removed one of my tattoo." The guy's looked surprised. "Oh? Which one?". He seemed a bit anxious while asking this. And of course, as if fate was flipping me off, harry was caressing my left hip routinely. Ashamed, I pushed my hip against his thumb, hoping he would understand. He did. He lifted my jumper to see the virgin skin. This time, he looked a bit more annoyed and I felt bad.  
  
He let go of me and finished his champagne in one go. "Harry..." I told him, trying to hold him in my arms, but the man, quicker, took  an envelope out of god knows where and gave it to me, smiling. "What is this?" I didn't know where to look now, everything was so fast. "A surprise. Happy birthday my love." A small smile formed on my face as I was delicately taking the envelope.  
  
Inside there was a tourist review for Australia. I froze a second before understanding. "Harry... Does it mean what I think it means?" I looked up to catch sight of him biting his lips to restrain himself from smiling. "We're going to Autralia baby." Like a teenage gril who had tickets to see her favourite band, I screamed before jumping in my man's arms. "Fuck, you're mental! I... When?!" He laughed at me as I was screaming in his ears. "When you want lou, we'll go when you wish and we can go just you and I or with the kids."  
  
I put down the review before kissing him again, thanking him between every kiss. Since I couldn't unbutton his shirt, I tore ii apart. Harry looked at me with big surprised eyes. I kissed his throat slowly, leaving a beautiful hickey there before going down to his collarbones and bite them softly. I licked sensually each swallows on his chest then I took care of his already hard nipples. Licking them and kissing them. At the same time, I was unzipping his trousers when Harry began to manhandled me, removing my jumper quickly and leading me to the blankets. We lie down and he stayed above me, he took off his trousers and touched himself to get rid off a bit of pressure. He was looking at me while doing it, groaning and thrusting in his hand. I wanted to touch him so bad. I cried out pitifully and his attention was back fully on me.  
  
He unzipped me quickly, pulling roughly on it until my legs were bare. He covered me with his body and slowly dragged his erection against mine, pulling out of me slow moans. He kissed me hard while doing so and I wanted so much more. I lose my hands in his back until I reach his small bum, I tried to take off his pants but I couldn't. So I asked Harry to take it off. He just looked at me while grinding more slowly, smirking. "You want me naked baby?" He asked, his voice slow and sexy. I was now desperately humping against him, wanting something but he didn't want to give it to me. With a groan I answered. "What I really want right now, is your dick in my ass." He smiled all smug, the bastard. But it was worth it because he finally reached to take off his pants and just after, he took off mine as well.  
  
Harry then took a small bottle of lube from under one of the cushion, and spilled some on his fingers. This time, he didn't tease me, he just put one in me. But one was for sure not enough ! So I cried out for another one, he gave it to me with a smile. Fingering was always good, Harry's fingers were long and talented but right now, I wanted much more. "Harry just get in me for fuck sakes!" With a small chuckle and a quick "greedy", he took his fingers out and lube up his length. He penetrated me smoothly, it was so familiar but so damn good! The drag inside of me, against my prostate was so delicious. I was holding the cushions with force, my legs strongly attached to the man's hips, trying to get him deeper with each thrust. My eyes were closed tightly, everything a bit too much, if I opened them I could cry. Because this is Harry. His body, his hair, his mouth, his smell, his embrace and I missed it so damn much.  
  
"Lou, Lou, baby. I love you." I heard him say, close to me. I decided to finally open my eyes. And here he was, just above me. His eyes bright and loving, his lips red like blood, his hair a mess, his muscles tensed with every thrusts and his body so beautiful and shiny against mine. He is so beautiful and he's all mine again. I felt so much love inside of my chest, it was overwhelming.    
  
With a bit of a fight, I exchanged our position, now on him. With a shaky breath, I came to kiss him lovingly, in a whisper, close to him, I said "I love you so much it hurts Harry." And then I began to move up and down his length, trying to hit my sweet spot with each drag. Harry was holding my hips hard as I was bouncing on him and I couldn't even feel how my muscles were on fire, all I wanted was to bring this man to orgasm. Speaking of which, I felt mine coming. I move less and more like grind on his cock, making myself moans so hard I'm sure if someone was outside the house right now, they could probably hear me. "Shit Lou, keep going baby I'm close." He said breathy.  I didn't even know what I was doing now, just grinding and bouncing and thigtening my walls. Finally, with a really deep moan, Harry came inside of me. I felt hot and loved and fucking good. I kept grinding his pulsing head against my prostate until I was also coming with a high-pitched cry.  
  
When I felt my orgasm was finished, I pulled Harry's softening dick out of me, already feeling come getting out of my hole. I lied down next to him, or more like on him. As he was covering us with one of the fluffy blanket, I told him again. "I love you." He kissed my temple and caressed slowly my tired back. "I love you too baby." I fell asleep feeling loved and safe and like I never wanted to sleep with anyone but this man.  
  
Not surprising then that we did it twice more during the night right?

The next morning, all the family was standing around the christmas tree where dozens of presents were. Cup of tea in hand, I observed my kids unwrapping their presents, huge smile on their faces. When I turned around, Harry was immediately there behind me, watching them with the same fond smile. Without having to ask, he kissed me softly. I couldn't be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)  
> Okay so I should begin to thanks everyone who read this fic, and commented and liked(kudos?) it. I have lot of other ideas already prepared, I like to think I'm original so maybe stick around ? Love you all guys, the last chapter will be updated soon (like tomorrow).


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Harry were married for eleven years, but one day Harry decides it's better if they divorce. Louis is not really okay with it, but he will try to live without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here the last chapter everyone, this is an epilogue kind of. Hope you'll like it. 
> 
> There won't be any sequel, because I have a lot of other things to write and I think we kind of have everything here.

2 years later.  
  
"Oh my... Harry !" His finger went deeper in me until they were touching my prostate. Harry was attacking from all side, torturing my prostate and sucking me off with all his might. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move from his talented mouth and fingers. I could only took it and moan until my voice broke. It's in these moments that I'm extremely happy that we took the decision to soundproof our room.  
  
"Harry! Oh god! Oh pleas- Fuck! Please, please Harry just... mmh. Fuck me!" It must have been be enough for him because he finally stopped. He took out his finger and licked one last time the red head of my dick before putting a bit of lube on his really hard and really pink dick. He entered me easily, not surprising, he fingered me for half an hour. Without loosing time, he began to fuck me fast and deep, positioning my legs on his shoulders. Between screams, moans, cries, I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see anything except my extreme pleasure.  
  
This pace didn't last long because we were both on edge after all this foreplay. I came first, painting my stomach in white. And as I felt over-sensitive, Harry came inside me with a deep moan. He fell on me, breathing deeply, I caressed softly his hair until he got off of me. For long minutes, we stayed there without moving, breathing. "Shower?" Suggested Harry, I accepted immediately.  
  
I showered first because... well I'm covered in come and sweat, as Harry shaved and then we exchanged. In the mirror, I saw that I had again a bruise on my right hip, the place were I got a "H" tattoo a year and a half ago. We tried to live without it, but soon we felt that we missed it, so I got it on the opposite hip. Once we were both clean and dressed, we got down to prepare breakfast.  
  
One foot in the kitchen and Bruce, our dog, came to welcome us. I petted him as Harry was preparing breakfast. We had tea together, talking calmly and soon, we were joined by our children. As we were having breakfast all together, I had to remind for the third times to my daughter to put down her phone. In fact, since she's dating this new boy, this rubbishy hipster who's always wearing those ridiculous bandanas, she's never without her phone. A few months ago, her father and I had to have the sex chat, this was so embarrassing! Harry wanted to have it because if it was just me, I would have thrown a box of condoms in her rooms with a death note if she ended up pregnant. All this reminds me that my little girl is now a young lady aged of 18 who is going to university in a month. How did she grew up so fast?  
  
Even my two little angels are in school. They can read now and write ! They're growing up a little bit everyday and it's hard for me to believe that my babies are leaving the nest. I confessed this to Harry one night, crying, he had to hold me all night. Now I understand why my mother didn't want to let me go when I was twenty. I don't want my babies to leave. At least, I know I won't be alone because Harry's with me. His idea of a collaboration with liam was such a great idea because now, he is more at home than at work. Everything went for the better. The best in this, is that soon, I'll be Mister Louis Styles. So yes, he proposed to me again !  
  
Except this, it'll be the wedding I've always dreamed of with a big ceremony and our families and kids with us. Everything I wished for the first time.  
  
"I wanted to go to the beach today, what do you say?" Harry asked my while we we doing the dishes. I accepted his idea with pleasure, kissing him strongly before asking the children if they wanted to come. The twins agreed in the second, always happy to see the ocean; Kathy on the other hand said no, preferring a date with her hipster. I don't blame her, I've done the same at her age with her father.  
  


It wasn't the best day to go to the beach, it wasn't particularly sunny or warm. But they weren't a lot of people and it was great for a walk. Hand in hand with Harry, keeping the dog on leash, the kids running ahead of us, it was a beautiful day. We were walking slowly on the pier to watch the rough sea. Looking around us, I observe there were only five other persons. Two teenagers smoking cigarettes, an elderly lady with her small dog, a blond man taking pictures and another brown-haired man. Watching him closely, I thought I recognise his figure, when he turned around, I eventually saw him. Surprised I let go of Harry's hand, he turned to me. "Lou, is everything okay?" I turned slowly to him, I smiled quickly and kissed him. "Just two minutes, okay?"  
  
Coming closer to him, I wondered if it was a good idea. When I was three foot away, he raised his head and I saw surprise on his face. "Louis?" He had a smile on his face and it reassured me, he put away his phone in his pocket and took me in his arms. "How long it been?" He asked me as he stepped back. He hadn't change much, looking just a bit more mature with his beard. "At least two years. What have you been up to?" He was about to answer but I saw his eyes ghosting behind me, I watched as well to see Harry who was holding Shane and showing to him a yacht away. When I turned back around, Daniel had a small smile on his face.  
  
"So you two got back together?" I nodded, glad to see he seemed happy for me. " "It's great Lou, I knew you were meant for each other." He was still so nice and caring, it almost made me want to cry, I thanked him with a big smile. "And you, have you found this person?" I asked him, hoping he would remember what he told me when he left me. With a small smile, he pointed to me the young blond man on the right. He was still taking pictures so Daniel called him. "Nate?" The young lad turn around immediately. He was cute, blond hair, pretty short, bright eyes and a likeable smile. He came to us and stand real close to Daniel.  
  
They made a beautiful couple. We could see they were in love, it filled me with joy. "Louis this is Nate Hansen. Baby, this is Louis Tomlinson." The boy shook my hand with enthusiasm, I don't think he knows who I really am to Daniel and I'm not going to tell him. I'm not here to create arguments. I simply wanted to see if him as well had his fair amount of happy hours, what I see confirmed it. After taking some more minutes where I learn that Daniel would be a maths teacher in high school, I told him goodbye. It sounded weirdly like a farewell, like a "I wish you the best". I know that Daniel and I won't ever be friends but I'm pleased to know that he is as happy as I am. He deserve it.   
  
  
Lied down in our bed, the blanket around us, the tv allowing some background noises, I was looking at my future husband sleep. He often fall asleep first and I often watch him do so. I don't why, it just reassure me, it reminds me that the next morning I'll have the chance to wake up next to him and to live a new day being his. But tonight, as I met Daniel, something different came to my mind, and this thing is that what I have is probably real love. It's being able to argue, to hate each other, to split-up and always coming back. Because love isn't this calm ocean that is presented to us in movies, love is sacrifices and compromises. My marriage with Harry had taught me that you must never give up on someone when you know they're your forever.

  
THE END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kylieJohnson44)  
> So yeah babes, this is the end. Thanks to those who read it and gave their opinions, you're all so sweet and I hope you'lle read what I will write next because you're wonderful and I love writing for all of you. Big love to everyone, have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. I feel like 2015 will be a great year so do great things loves. :)


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